{37188}{37278}It's weird.|It's like you're going,
{37281}{37368}The last thing I remember was|the economy was working
{37371}{37426}And there was a budget surplus. Yeach.
{37429}{37497}Where's Clinton?|"we impeached him. "
{37500}{37554}Fuck!
{37557}{37602}For what?|"a blowjob. "
{37605}{37685}What?|Who did he blow, Putin?
{37688}{37735}"no.
{37738}{37791}No!
{37891}{37959}He got blown by|a Jewish girl. " wow!
{37962}{38053}He got head from a Jewish girl? Fuckin'|- a!
{38113}{38189}And they impeached him for|that? "he lied about it. "
{38193}{38259}He's married. Who|wouldn't? What the fuck?
{38263}{38318}"no, he lied about it|to Congress. "
{38322}{38393}And those fuckers|impeached him?
{38397}{38504}That's like a group of lepers judging|a beauty contest. What the fuck?
{38543}{38613}Wow, that's nuts.
{38657}{38714}No!
{38790}{38846}"and then they|acquitted him. "
{38849}{38904}Cool, who was president|next, Gore?
{38907}{38956}"no, Bush. "|he was already president.
{38959}{39048}"no, this was his son. " och, the|one from Florida. He's kinda cool.
{39051}{39160}"no, the one from Texas?"|junior? Fuck.
{39164}{39249}My God, the one|who traded Sammy Sosa?
{39253}{39310}Fuck yeach.
{39314}{39421}How was he as president?|"kinda goofy.
{39424}{39521}Really, he waved at Stevie|Wonder. " what the fuck?
{39525}{39638}It's like wow.
{39641}{39762}And then what did he do?
{39765}{39829}"he took a lot of vacations. "|and then what happened?
{39832}{39871}"we got attacked. "|by who?
{39874}{39927}"Osama bin Laden. "|the guy from Afghanistan?
{39930}{39996}Didn't we used to send him|weapons? "yeach, I know. "
{39999}{40060}We went after him, right?|"yeach. " did we get him?
{40063}{40171}"almost. "|what do you mean almost?
{40174}{40258}"we went after Hussein because he|had weapons of mass destruction. "
{40261}{40327}That guy from Syria.|I knew that fuck would do this.
{40331}{40387}"no, the one from Iraq. "|Saddam Hussein?
{40391}{40463}Bush, senior, kicked his ass.|"yeach, he did. "
{40466}{40528}And we got him?|"och fuck, we got him. "
{40532}{40615}And we found the weapons of mass destruction?|Because he would tell you where they are.
{40618}{40691}"well, they executed him. "|fuck off!
{40694}{40774}And did you get bin Laden?|"almost.
{40777}{40877}We got four of his|number threes. " okay!
{40880}{40982}But he's in Afghanistan.|"maybe.
{40985}{41080}He might be in Pakistan. "|let's go after him in Pakistan.
{41083}{41188}"there's a problem there. They're allies|and they have weapons of mass destruction. "
{41191}{41262}Oh no!|What about the economy?
{41265}{41350}"well, we had to bail out the|banks. " again? "fuck yeach!"
{41353}{41473}And now who's the president?|"a black guy. " och yeach, right.
{41476}{41539}Yeach yeach.
{41543}{41624}There's a black president and|there's a latino on the supreme court.
{41628}{41743}"there is. " och my God! Who's|the president... Jesse Jackson?
{41748}{41855}"no, his name's Barack Hussein|Obama. " now you're fucking with me.
{41859}{41924}Fuck off!
{42130}{42191}And that's where|we find ourselves today.
{42194}{42301}We have an african-american,|but he was not born in Africa.
{42304}{42366}Even though the birthers are|going, "he was born in Africa!"
{42369}{42454}Yes, and his campaign was financed|by a Nigerian prince on the intenet.
{42457}{42522}Come with me, my friend.
{42525}{42625}It's like their worst nightmare would|have been at the inauguration going,
{42629}{42719}"Mr. Obama, you are now|President of the United States. "
{42976}{43076}Hillary, work the booty,|work the booty, work the booty.
{43079}{43134}What the fuck?
{43185}{43266}And you have to break his name|down. It's Barack... Blessing,
{43269}{43309}Hussein...|We know who that is,
{43312}{43395}Obama... It's an old Kenyan|word for Kennedy, cool!
{43453}{43549}The moment he was elected, caucasian|guilt dropped lower than the stock market.
{43552}{43629}It was like a brother be going,|"my man, could you spe a dollar?"
{43632}{43689}I'm sorry, my good fellow,|but I voted for Obama.
{43692}{43768}Good fucking luck.|Take care.
{43818}{43928}And now you have Michelle.|Michelle... Oh my God, girl, please!
{43967}{44025}Yeach, baby,
{44028}{44116}Like a combination Jackie|Onassis and Serena Williams,
{44119}{44166}Way to go.
{44169}{44259}She is so elegant|and she's got guns too,
{44263}{44352}Which is kinda cool. But you get|the feeling, as elegant as she is,
{44355}{44459}If you dis her man,|she will fuck your shit up.
{44554}{44683}She will. She will|open a can of whupass.
{44686}{44793}She will go from "yes, we can"|to "och, no you didn't. "
{44845}{44930}And Obama got heckled|in Congress.
{44934}{45023}What the fuck is that? That would not|have happened if Cheney were there.
{45026}{45070}If Cheney were there...|Oh no.
{45074}{45171}If someone had heckled "w"|Cheney would be like, bam!
{45224}{45296}Yeach!
{45355}{45450}"anybody else got a problem?"
{45496}{45605}Cheney shot a man|in the face hunting quail.
{45641}{45698}I don't know about|east coast quail,
{45701}{45775}But California quail|are this fucking big.
{45778}{45892}You gotta drop kick them then|get them in the air going bam!
{45895}{45957}"shit happens!"
{45960}{46052}And I love Cheney at the inauguration|looking like old man potter.
{46055}{46166}Like, "good luck with the economy,|little African prince. Ha ha ha!
{46226}{46309}Take care, Simba.|Ha ha ha. "
{46382}{46469}And he was transforming as|we speak. The last few years
{46472}{46539}He's been turning slowly|but surely into gollum.
{46542}{46657}Like, "they don't likes us.|Don't give a shit! Not caring why.
{46660}{46733}Halliburton is the precious.|It's the precious. "
{46736}{46833}And he's become an archetype|now. It's the type of thing
{46836}{46937}That if you want to frighten a|little child, you just have to say,
{46940}{46985}"if you're not good,
{46988}{47051}The Cheneyman|will get you. "
{47148}{47196}Noo!
{47199}{47284}And what's "w" doing now?|He's a motivational speaker.
{47288}{47334}Kinda cool.
{47338}{47419}It's kinda like having Lindsey|Lohan as a guidance counselor.
{47489}{47572}Way to go.
{47575}{47695}And I love... I love the fact|that they're talking about opening
{47698}{47781}The George W. Bush library,|which I think, wow!
{47785}{47901}That's kind of like the Colonel|Sanders Culinary Academy.
{47904}{48005}Just the concept alone boggles your mind.
{48008}{48104}And they've already talked about|making it very interactive,
{48107}{48197}Which I think is code|for "not so many books. "
{48248}{48318}And I hope they have some of|his great quotes on the walls,
{48321}{48398}Like, "a lot of our imports|come from other countries. "
{48401}{48486}Yes!
{48490}{48598}"the question that's never|asked: Is our children learning?"
{48601}{48659}Didn't know that.
{48662}{48787}"people misunderestimate me. " that's|not even a fucking word. Way to go!
{48791}{48858}And you've got to cut "w"|some slack, man.
{48862}{48969}He comes from a family where the|smart brother is named Jeb, number one.
{48972}{49049}And he had a wicked|coke problem.
{49052}{49103}And why did|he have to stop doing blow?
{49106}{49153}Because I believe one day|he was like,
{49156}{49228}"shit, my mom's on the|dollar bill! God damn.
{49260}{49354}Gotta cut this shit out. "
{49357}{49458}And near the end of his term, even|world leaders were dissing his ass.
{49461}{49542}There'd be the world economic leaders|conference and they'd all be up there,
{49545}{49645}Going, "och, shit, here|comes skippy. Fuck off. "
{49648}{49734}And he'd be up there like a kid at|a graduation, like, "nobody likes me.
{49738}{49812}This is bullshit.|This is crazy-ass shit. "
{49815}{49916}But there was one guy who treated|"w" with kindness and respect.
{49919}{49982}And that man was Tony Blair.
{49985}{50081}Tony Blair and "w" was like the United|Nations production of "Rainman. "
{50084}{50155}It was wonderful.
{50158}{50228}There was sweetness.
{50231}{50307}Tony...|Tony'd be going to "w,"
{50310}{50369}"w," do you know|the price of gas?"
{50372}{50469}"definitely don't know the price of|gas. Don't know the price of gas. "
{50526}{50588}"do you have an economic|stimulus package?"
{50591}{50651}"definitely have an economic|stimulus package. Might work.
{50654}{50748}Definitely might work. Give each|and every american over the age of 20
{50751}{50811}$1 million. Tax them at|a flat tax rate of 10%.
{50814}{50911}Gives back the government $100,000,|gives each and every person $900,000.
{50914}{51000}Might stimulate locally and|personally. Definitely might work.
{51003}{51063}Definitely might work. "
{51066}{51165}"but "w'... "w," do you|know the price of gas?"
{51168}{51223}"definitely don't know|the price of gas. "
{51226}{51304}And the definition|of insanity is
{51307}{51369}Repeating the same action,|expecting a different outcome.
{51372}{51433}We elected him the second|time, the whole world went,
{51436}{51518}"what the fuck is going on|with you people?"
{51521}{51608}But now we still|have comedy though.
{51611}{51666}We still have|great comedy out there.
{51669}{51761}There's always rambling|Joe Biden. What the fuck?
{51764}{51898}Joe says things that even people|with tourette's go, "no.
{51901}{51950}No.
{51953}{52016}What is going on?"
{52019}{52071}Joe is like your uncle
{52074}{52182}Who's on a new drug|and hasn't got the dosage right.
{52185}{52288}"I'm proud to work with Barack america.|" he's not a superhero, you idiot.
{52292}{52370}Come mere. "when F. D. R|was was on television... "
{52373}{52492}There was no TV back then.|Come here, Joe. Bzzzt! Sit down.
{52495}{52582}And then you always have Senators|willing to push the comedy envelope.
{52585}{52666}Like Senator Larry Craig...|A guy who tried to pick up
{52669}{52741}A man in a men's room|by morse code.
{52787}{52849}How the fuck do you do that?|How do you go,
{52852}{52938}"will... You... Blow... Me?"
{52941}{53043}Maybe.
{53113}{53181}And...
{53185}{53260}There's always Governor Sanford.|He's a piece of work.
{53263}{53322}"I'm going for a hike|on the Appalachian Trail. "
{53325}{53374}Where does it end?|"Patagonia
{53377}{53432}Oh, fuck off.