Lyrics by Steve Vai

Inspired by a real event. I was sitting there watching a great movie, eating pasgetti, and boom! Your friendly newscaster comes on and spews out the most horrible news I’ve ever heard in my life (but her name was not Wilma Wasko; in fact, Wilma is a friend of ours). It seems to me that television could be used in such a manner as to benefit the world and each individual person on an emotional, physical, moral and spiritual level. But, no! Like most things that enable some individuals to have tremendous financial and material success, it gets totally corrupted. Television is full of violence and lies and you don’t need it. Or do you? Don’t you feel embarrassed watching TV sometimes? If the answer is yes, that’s good.


Do you think you can fool me?
Do you think you can lie to my face?
Do you think I believe you?
Well, what you tell me is a total waste

Do you think you can use me?
I bet you think that you are great
Do you think you can get away with murder?
I think you can use a kick in the face

Eh - you can fool some of the people some of the time
And you can fool most of the people all of the time
Ah - you can fool a few of the people none of the time
But you can’t fool me any of the time

So I sit and I eat a TV dinner
I watch an old funny Marx Brothers movie
And a flash comes across my TV screen
And it’s you in all of your glory

You like to tell me about brutal murders
You make me choke on my pasgetti
Korean airlines that was shot down by the Russians
You even show the dead peoples’ families crying

Well, you can gross out some of the people some of the time
Eh - you can gross out most of the people none of the time
Most of the people like to get grossed out all of the time
Ain’t that right
But you make me sick every time, every time

I see your face is laced with a new kind of taste
It’s great the way you waste all that space
You’re right, it’s night and I shouldn’t go outside
But if a stiletto stabs me
It’ll make your job so exciting
If a razor cut me
You can give them something worth watching

We interrupt this song to bring you a special news bulletin. Hello, this is Wilma Wasko, anchorwoman at the Eyewitness News Center in New York. Hey - do I have your attention? Look at me, me, me (etc.) I’m on TV. Check this out, ladies and gents. This is good stuff, real good stuff, real good-good-good-good-good-good great stuff.

The two bodies of Trisha and Connie... (uh, what was their last name?) (That doesn’t matter, anyway). The bodies of two young school children were discovered today buried in the Carle Place Rushmore Grade School playground at ten o’clock this morning. Despite the semi-decayed carcasses of the young school girls (who were found to be 10 and 11 years old), the autopsy report shows that the girls were brutally raped, strangled, beaten and stabbed excessively. Young Trisha was reported to have at least 27 stab wounds in the chest and stomach area, with severe stabbings in the neck, head and eyes. Young Connie was found to have a severed left leg and heart displacement. And it is this doctor’s opinion that anal sex was performed on the dead bodies after the brutal, slaughterous act was done. Details at 10.

The junk that you feed to my children
Is junk that you believe in
I don’t care about crooked politicians
I don’t wanna see someone bleeding while I’m eating

And when you review a motion picture
You like to kill the actors and writers
You do this to feed your own ego
So your own life won’t seem so damn miserable

Well, you could screw some of the people some of the time
And you do screw most of the people all-a-da’ time
Ah - you could screw a few-a-da’ people a couple of times
But you can’t screw me any of the time, any of the time...