(Dick/Kelly/Mosley/Rothery/Trewavas)
Have you ever met a lady, screaming angst potential?
Have you ever dreamed of romance, no matter how experimental?
Have you ever felt an alien drifting back into your hometown?
Did you think you were buying safety when you bought that piece of ground?
She said all the best freaks are here
She said all the best freaks are here, please stop staring at me
So I said all the best freaks are here
All the best freaks are here, please stop staring at me

Have you ever woke up, sweating in the middle of the night?
You search the darkness and you're scrambling for the light
Have you ever walked down the street, heard bootsteps following you?
Don't worry my son, you've got the spook squad looking after you

He said all the best freaks are here
He said all the best freaks are here, please stop staring at me
So I said all the best freaks are here
All the best freaks are here, please stop staring at me
Stop staring at me

Airport terminal, patiently waiting on the last call
You feel the eyes burn the back of your head
Sign the autograph, get out of the picture, gonna have the last laugh
Feel the whispers as you head for the plane
Stop staring at me

Love and linen sheets seem so very far away
You save your pennies and you buy another day
But after all it's only hide and seek, just another game
There's so much fun to be had when you're living with a name

All the best freaks are here, all the best freaks are here
Please stop staring at me
All the best freaks are here, all the best freaks are here
Please stop staring at me
They said all the best freaks are here
All the best freaks are here, please stop staring at me