(Parody of The Wizard of Oz)


Narrator: And now, Twisted Radio from KISW proudly presents, along with Barely Legal Productions, The Miserable Movie from Boz.
Dorothy: Where am I? Oh Toto, we must be under the Kingdome, but where is everybody? I have a feeling we're not in the playoffs this year. Look Toto someone's coming'
Glenda: Are you a good witch or a bad witch?
Dorothy: Why, I'm not a witch at all. I'm a Seahawk fan. (Gales of munchkin laughter)
Dorothy: Who's that?
Glenda: It's all right. You can all come out now. She's a Seahawk fan.
Dorothy: Who are these people? They're too small to be the starting defensive unit.
Glenda: Why, they're the little people, the season ticket holders.


Munchkin 1: That's right, ha ha
Dorothy: But where are the players? Isn't it almost time for kickoff?
Glenda: Oh, the Seahawks didn't make the playoffs this year. Bo Jackson drew up like a house on our star player.
Dorothy: You mean the great and powerful Boz?
Glenda: That's right, Dorothy. He doesn't play football anymore.
Dorothy: He doesn't? But where can I find him?
Glenda: Oh, in a star-studded, glamorous place called Tinsel Town.
Munchkin 2: Hollywood!
Munchkin 3: Swimming pools!
Munchkin 4: Movie stars!
Munchkin 1: Portable phones!
Dorothy: But how will I get there?
Glenda: Just take the Mercer on-ramp to I-5 south. It leads straight to Boz.
Dorothy: But how will I know if I'm on the right road?
Glenda: All you have to do is look for the yellow lines down the middle of the road just like the yellow streak down the Boz's back.
Dorothy: Follow the yellow streak road?
Glenda: That's right Dorothy. The munchkins will follow you to the Oregon border'
Munchkin 1: No further.
Glenda: After that you are on your own. Good luck and take care, my dear.
Munchkin 2:Lets go!
Dorothy: Follow the yellow streak road?
Song Follow The Yellow Streak Road sung by the Munchkins: Follow the yellow streak road. Follow the yellow streak road Follow the yellow streak road Follow the yellow streak road Follow follow follow follow Follow the yellow streak road
Dorothy: Oh Toto, I am so excited. Hey, would you season ticket holders like to come with me to see the new movie from Boz?
Munchkin 1: That's okay, you go on without us.
Munchkin 2: I'd rather stub my toe.
Munchkin 3: Repeatedly.
Song We Won't Go See The Movie sung by the Munchkins: We won't go see the movie The miserable movie from Boz We hear it is flop of course What else did you think it was If ever if ever a leech there was The Boz is one because because Because because because Because of the way he stuck it to us We won't go see the movie The miserable movie from Boz
Dorothy: Gee, it sure is a long way to Tinsel Town. I don't know about you Toto, but I'm getting hungry. Oh look, apples! They sure do look delicious.
Tree 1: Hey! Get away from those apples. Can't you see that quarantine sign? Those apples are full of apple maggots!
Dorothy: Did you say something?
Tree 1: Does an owl sit in the woods?
Tree 2: Not for long'ha ha ha!
Tree 1: You're a cute little girl. How old are you?
Tree 2: Let's cut her in half and count her rings! Ha ha ha!
Dorothy: Hey get your limbs off of me. Let go! Let go! Run Toto run!
Tree 1:What a sap!
Dorothy: I've just got to find the Boz . We really need him to get back to the playoffs. Next years schedule sure is a scary one. What, with all those Lions and Bengals and Bears Lions and Bengals and Bears, oh my Lions and Bengals and Bears Lions and Bengals and Bears Lions and Bengals and Bears Look Toto there it is! Tinsel Town! Gee, it's not as beautiful as I thought it would be, and I can barely see it through all that smog. I sure hope the Boz is home.
Doorman: Who are you?
Dorothy: If you please, sir, I'm Dorothy from the Emerald City, and I want to see the Boz.
Doorman: The Boz sees no one. He's far too busy to play football. Now go away!
Dorothy: (sobbing) But I came so far, and I broke my heel on the way over here, and my Nordstrom credit card got shoved back in the machine, and I brought so much money.
Doorman: It's okay little girl. I lost a Nordstrom card myself once. Ah, you do have your checkbook, so come on in.
Boz: I am the great and powerful Boz. Who is it that dares to come before me?
Dorothy: If you please sir, I'm Dorothy from the Emerald City. We paid you that eleven million dollars'
Boz: Silence Ungrateful North-westerner! Consider yourself lucky I played for the Seahawks at all.
Dorothy: But we'd like you to keep your promise to us sir.
Boz: The great and powerful Box has every intention of honoring your request, but first you'll have to get in touch with my agent. Now go away!
Dorothy: Hey! Who's that man over there?
Boz: Pay no attention to that man over there with Bo Jackson's footprint on his chest.
Dorothy: Who are you?
Boz: I am the great and powerful'
(voice changes) Boz. Oh, my shoulders. Pass me that tube of Ben-Gay will you?
Dorothy: Why you're not the great and powerful Boz at all.
Boz: I'm afraid I am. There's no other Boz but me.
Dorothy: You're a very bad man.
Boz: No, I'm a very rich man. I'm a bad actor and a bad football player.
Dorothy: But you were supposed to take us to the Super Bowl. What happened?
Boz:Well, you see it was like this:
Song My Shoulders Fell Apart sung by Boz and the Munchkins: I was supposed to be a hero But I ended up zero I couldn't play the part I was a big defensive hitter Till I turned into a quitter Cuz my shoulders fell apart He'd be hammering the Dolphins Instead he's out there golfing I drive a fancy cart He'd be pounding on the Raiders But he chased his mashed potaters Cuz my shoulders fell apart We thought he'd be the guy The Hawks would fly Our hopes were high But he didn't even try I took the cash He said Goodbye I would lead the league in tackles Collect a lot of sack-les I'd show them I had heart He'd be playing in the Pro Bowl He could take Bo Jackson solo But my shoulders fell apart
Dorothy: (sadly) Now we'll never make the play-offs.
Boz: I'm sorry I can't help you Dorothy. I've got a 2:30 lunch appointment with my agent.
Tin Man:But here comes someone who can help!
Dorothy: Oh, Can you really help?
Glenda: You never needed any help. You've had the power to make the playoffs all along.
Dorothy: But how?
Glenda: All you have to do is draft wisely and repeat after me: There's no place like the dome
Glenda fades to Dorothy: There's no place like the dome There's no place like the dome There's no place like the dome There's no place like the dome There's no place like the dome'
Song Someday Under The Kingdome sung by Dorothy: Someday under the Kingdome Dreams come true And the dreams that our teams dare to dream Have been overdue Someday we'll crawl up from our hole And wake up in the Super Bowl I know it Where teams are licked like lollipops By players tall as mountaintops And we won't blow it Someday under the Kingdome Though we've tried We can't bring Super Bowl rings Oh, why oh why oh why If other teams can catch their dreams Below the Kingdome Why don't Seahawks fly
Credits read by Stig Fremley (Spike)