Make your money with a suit and tie
Make your money with shrewd denial
Make your money expert advice,
If you can wing it
Make your money with a power ply
Make your money with a buyout bribe
Make it lie as long as you mean it

I'm not king of comedy,
Grease the pig, give a squeeze (squeeze me)

Make your money with exploitation
Make it holy illumination
Say a prayer at every station
Don't forget to ask for mercy
Make your money with a pretty face
Make it easy with product placement
Make it charged with controversy
I'm straight, I'm queer, I'm bi

I'm not king of comedy,
I'm not your magazine,
I'm not your television

Make your money, make it rich
Make it young and make it quick
Make your money on the jukebox, baby,
It's pick up sticks,
Make your enemies, make your moves
Make your critics fumble through
Make it smart and make it schmooze
Make it look easy

I'm not king of comedy,
I'm not your magazine,
I'm not your television,
I'm not your movie screen
I'm not commodity (all together now)
I'm not commodity
I'm not commodity
I'm not commodity
I'm not commodity
I'm not commodity