(Parody of Under the Sea World of Jacques Cousteau)


This Christmas PBS presents a Christmas special the whole family can enjoy. In the fine Cousteau tradition Christmas on the Calypso. The Under the Tree World of Jacques Cousteau.

It is a very special morning. Last night the crew tossed and turned in their bunks in eager anticipation of what awaits us this day. Suddenly, our quiet slumber is interrupted by a huge noise on the deck of the Calipso.

We investigate and find the unmistakable footprints of eight tiny hoofed creatures. How did these eight strange mammals make the incredible journey across the seas to our secluded location? We can only speculate.

My first mate Jon Claude beckons to the rest of the crew, 'Everyone come here quickly. Look at this!' The deck of the Calypso is strewn with many packages all wrapped in brightly colored papers and ribbons, reminiscent of the beautiful Garcia fish indigenous to the psychedelic waters in the bay of San Francisco. I am reminded of my dangerous encounter with the prickly-backed suckerfish whose poisonous stinger can twist a man's mind like a candy cane.

We are overwhelmed by the generosity of the mysterious visitor who has brought a warm feeling and special moment to twelve very cold and lonely men. The members of the crew dive under the tree without the benefit of wet suit or oxygen supply. I am concerned that the sub freezing temperatures and bitter arctic winds may freeze the balls off our tree, but all is well and Jean Claude is pleased to discover the large rectangular box containing the brightly colored floppy eared bunny slippers are indeed for him. They are just his size and fit his large hairy feet as snuggly as the pearl in the shell of the mature oyster.

To my dismay, I discover I have once again been overlooked. I am aghast, but at least the coal will be used well in the cold winter months to come.

The Under the Tree World of Jacques Cousteau. This Christmas on PBS.

As Phillip throws another Yule fish on the fire the smell is overwhelming.