{6575}{6670}And it was weird.|In California this summer
{6674}{6732}All the State Parks|caught on fire
{6735}{6779}Which was sad
{6782}{6833}Because these parks|are full of weed.
{6836}{6895}It's bad news.
{6899}{6974}It's like... Even the|guys fighting the fires
{6977}{7051}Are like...
{7054}{7121}"fuck! my God!
{7124}{7203}Make another|rainbow, Tommy!
{7207}{7274}Oh my God!"
{7277}{7342}It's weird.
{7390}{7445}Even Smokey the Bear|was going,
{7448}{7498}"only you can...
{7562}{7627}Shit, I knew this.
{7656}{7721}Fuck. "
{7724}{7826}And California weed|is kick-ass fucking weed.
{7829}{7884}This is weed|that even Jamaicans go,
{7887}{7962}"och, don't smoke|that weed, man. "
{7965}{8022}It's California catatonic.
{8025}{8087}It's the type of weed you|hit it and it's like...
{8090}{8184}Fuck! Shit!
{8189}{8287}I'm not doing something.
{8290}{8342}What is it?
{8345}{8389}Oh right, breathe!
{8481}{8537}And you get so stoned,|you end up sitting on your couch
{8540}{8595}For a week to the point|where your cat's going,
{8599}{8684}"get up, you asshole!
{8687}{8781}I've been eating my own shit|for the last two days!
{8784}{8878}I know I'm mellow,|but this is fucking ridiculous!"
{8881}{8979}And if they legalize it, they're|going to have to regulate it
{8983}{9041}And they're going to have to|a warning on a box of joints.
{9044}{9140}It's going to have to say,|"Surgeon General has determined
{9144}{9238}This will make|your music awesome.
{9286}{9345}Even Yanni.
{9395}{9478}And if you thought you|enjoyed cartoons before... "
{9550}{9594}And if they're|gonna have ads...
{9597}{9641}They're gonna have ads|and it'll be like
{9644}{9699}Instead of the Marlboro man,|it'll be the Mendocino man.
{9702}{9759}It'll be a cowboy|on the back of a horse going,
{9762}{9817}"shit, am I thirsty.|God damn. "
{9868}{9973}Even the horse will be going, "I|don't know where the fuck I am.
{9976}{10045}God damn, I got a little|cotton mouth here.
{10048}{10126}God damn it. "
{10129}{10197}And the weird fucking thing|with these weather systems...
{10201}{10274}The storms right now|have been fucking insane.
{10277}{10342}Kick-ass tornados|in the midwest.
{10345}{10403}It used to be in the midwest|when you had a tornado,
{10407}{10454}It was like everybody|get in the root cellar.
{10457}{10514}Not anymore. You fuckers|are like "get a video camera!
{10517}{10581}Get outside!|Film it, Bobby!"
{10584}{10638}How's the tornado?|"it just blew my pants off.
{10642}{10708}Keep shooting.|Fuckin'- a!"
{10712}{10772}You know the difference|between a tornado
{10775}{10818}And divorce in the South?|Nothing.
{10821}{10891}Someone's losing|their trailer, number one.
{10894}{10955}It's like, mm!
{10958}{11006}God damn!
{11080}{11161}The hurricanes have been getting|bigger and fucking bigger.
{11164}{11246}And they usually give them names|that don't really inspire fear.
{11249}{11354}Like hurricane Terrence|does not inspire fear.
{11394}{11453}This sounds like|a ślightly gay hurricane.
{11456}{11514}Where are you going?
{11518}{11627}"I might go to Boca. I might|go to South Beach. I don't know.
{11663}{11716}All I know is|blowing is involved.
{11761}{11836}Yes!"
{11839}{11914}And they should name|the hurricanes
{11917}{11959}After the people|it's gonna be fucking with.
{11962}{12022}If it's going to Texas...|Hurricane Billy Ray.
{12025}{12084}Come on now.|What are you gonna do?
{12087}{12152}"fuck shit up!|That's what goes on. "
{12155}{12228}If it's off the coast of|Miami... Hurricane Bernie.
{12231}{12277}"hello!
{12280}{12343}He took our 401k. The goniff's|coming back for the house.
{12346}{12402}Move out!|Let's fucking go!"
{12436}{12490}And when they|named a hurricane
{12493}{12551}Hurricane Ike,|I went, finally,
{12555}{12601}They have the balls|to name a hurricane
{12605}{12662}After a crack-smoking,|wife-beating motherfucker.
{12666}{12713}Yeach!
{12716}{12781}Even Tina Turner would go,|"you'd better get your shit
{12784}{12838}And get out of the house.
{12841}{12942}'cause Ike never does anything|nice and easy. Never. "
{12946}{13018}And the hurricanes|have been getting so big
{13021}{13067}That even the guy|on the weather channel
{13071}{13114}Is freaked out.|He's going, "okay,
{13118}{13172}Let's go to our new|hurricane weather map...
{13175}{13237}Fuck!
{13274}{13346}This is hurricane Shavon.
{13349}{13410}The map is|the entire South
{13413}{13493}The asshole in the middle|is Dallas.
{13542}{13627}Um, crazy.
{13751}{13843}Back to you, Ted.|I just shit myself. "
{13883}{13919}And they always|go down to some poor fuckers
{13923}{13981}On the coast|in the middle of the storm
{13984}{14067}Hoing, "carl, how's it down|there on the coast?" "not bad!
{14095}{14169}Seems to be kicking up!"
{14172}{14225}And then there's always|the aftermath
{14229}{14274}Where they interview|some family
{14277}{14333}Standing in the wreckage|of their beach house
{14336}{14385}And they're always going like,|"hurricane came
{14388}{14454}And tore everything up.
{14457}{14521}And we had just rebuilt. "
{14524}{14582}Time out.
{14619}{14672}How often do you rebuild?
{14675}{14729}"every year. "
{14732}{14781}Why do you rebuild here?
{14784}{14850}"we love the view. "
{14854}{14912}Well, you may want to get|some styrofoam furniture
{14915}{14990}That goes up|and fucking down.
{15028}{15114}Some things that you|can hose off maybe.
{15117}{15230}But the weird thing is,|I can't give them shit.
{15233}{15296}I like in California.|I live on God's etch-a-sketch.
{15299}{15367}It's crazy.
{15371}{15421}We have earthquakes|every other day.
{15424}{15509}And you get kind of blasé.|Like, "och, fuck.
{15512}{15579}2.5, not bad.
{15629}{15691}Oh, shit!
{15694}{15755}5.8. Maybe we should|have drinks outsides.
{15758}{15813}Let's go. "
{15858}{15917}And they always talk|about the big one.
{15920}{16024}I was in a 7.5 earthquake.|That was a "fuck me" moment.
{16027}{16070}That was a...
{16073}{16130}And they went,|"that was not the big one. "
{16133}{16178}Really? Well, what will|the big one be?
{16181}{16253}"well, in the big one,|if there is the big earthquake,
{16257}{16337}Nevada will be wine country,|number one. "
{16378}{16423}And when will|the big one be?
{16427}{16469}"well, we have a window|of opportunity. "
{16473}{16553}Well, what will that be?|"could be tomorrow...
{16556}{16611}Or 10,000 years from now. "
{16647}{16726}Well, thanks|for the fucking heads-up