At precisely eight-o-five
Doctor Frederick von Meier
Will attempt his famous dive
Through a solid sheet of luminescent fire
In the center of the ring
They are torturing a bear
And although he cannot sing
We can make him whistle Londonderry Air
And the price is right
The cost of one admission is your mind
We shall shortly institute
A syntopicon of fear
While it's painful, it will suit
Many customers whose appetites are queer
Or for those who wish to pay
There are children you can bleed
In a most peculiar way
We can give you all the instruments you'll need
And the price is right
The cost of one admission is your mind
If you're harder yet to please
We have most delightful dreams
Our recorders will preserve
The intensity and passion of your screams
For we only aim to please
It's our customers who gain
As their appetites increase
They must come to us for pleasure and for pain
And the price is right
The cost of one admission is your mind