I know this guy named Richard
He's my red-necked friend
He does everything the hard way
You see, Rich don't like to bend

He went out for a haircut
Get himself a little trim
Got hooked up with a beautician
And she set out to do him in

She knocked Dick in the dirt
He said that it didn't hurt one bit, no
She knocked Dick in the dirt
He jumped up and then she kissed him where it hurt

Now Rich knows girls in England
He's a well traveled man
He's been around the world, you see
He's met some hard demands

But, Jane, she knocked him right down
Well, he just get right back up, whew
Together they have this bond, you see
She likes to tie him up

She knocked Dick in the dirt
Yeah, he said that it didn't hurt one bit, no
She knocked Dick in the dirt
Yeah, but then she kissed him where it hurt, ow

Now, Rich, he got all junked up
Something rubbed him wrong
But, Jane, she straightens him out
Yeah, it never takes that long

'Cause Rich, he has no conscience
He's of a friendly persuasion
And any chance he has to meet someone new
He'll always rise to the occasion

She knocked Dick in the dirt
He said that it didn't hurt one bit, no
She knocked Dick in the dirt
He jumped up and then she kissed him where it hurt, ow

She knocked Dick in the dirt
He said, oh,it didn't hurt one bit, no
She knocked Dick in the dirt
He jumped up and then she kissed him where it hurt
Uh, ow