Some way in the distance, I could hear a bell
Calling out for anyone, anyone who could help
Small gang of locals, gathered around
What the hell had gone wrong

Said with a certain smile, it was such a hoot
Some stupid DFL' had shot himself in the foot
Forgot his safety, playing with his gun
They were sure to have fun

Looked up and down and said, he could be a toff
He could be far much worse, likely as not
Dressed like a country squire, all tweedy and brogued
They said they'd never seen the like, the like before

Called out for the doctor, but he couldn't come
Said that he was tied up with a nun
Hard to imagine
The story goes
Dine out on this for years to come

I may be a cynical I may be a clown
Can't help but be amused, the way things had turned
Poor guy was sat there, egg on his face
This was some big mistake

Some say it's a blessing and some say it's a curse
You know I could be wrong but
Could have been a lot worse
He clearly had money, but he hadn't a clue
Country life's, not for you

Ambulance crew arrived, put on a show
Said he's just one lucky boy, it was just a toe
Soon be as right as rain, no time at all
If he wants to try again, give us a call