[Verse 1]
If I want to sit in and drink Super Tennent's in the day, I will
No one's gonna fuckin' tell me jack
But can you rely on anyone in this world? No, you can't
It's not my fault there's wall-to-wall empty cans
Everyone wanted this to all go wrong for me from the start
It's fucked up that a man's life can just be attacked
Watching This Morning with a beer is much better than relying on
Known cunts for mates I was given that don't have my back
Scott texted me to say he'd have a look at the TV for me
But I laid it down, telling him to fuck right off, chap
Phoned this company out the Yellow Pages
Told them to take away the TV, fix it quick snap
The next day they took away the TV
Told me they would repair the little bit
That's broken 'round on the back
I thought that'd be that, but the next bit was on top
This was where it all started to get a bit out of hand

[Chorus]
No one gives a crap about Mike
That's why I'm acting nasty
You know what you can do with your life?
Introduce it up your jacksie
'Cause no one gives a crap about Mike
That's why I'm acting nasty
You know what you can do with your life
Introduce it up your jacksie

[Verse 2]
The TV man comes back later, knocks on mine
To say he's found something in the back of the TV
I'm looking at it absolutely speechless
Can't quite believe he's trying to pull this fucking stunt on me
I knew it was a simple case of the power supply gone on the back
But he's trying to tap me up for more money
He says, "It's not like that," and I'm like, "Fuck off and die"
And stick up my two fingers and one more to make three
And he says, "Don't talk to me like that," and "I don't understand"
My face is in his face, I tell him I understand perfectly
And he grabs my shirt and I grab his face with my hand
So he brings his fist up and twats me a good one on my cheek
Then I'm trying to pull his head down
So I can knee it, but he's got my ear
He's twisting it 'round so much it's really hurting me
And we both go down on the floor, and he pushes my head
Back onto the corner of the fridge, which is total agony
Then he gets up and runs out of the kitchen and out of the door
Shouting stuff to me, slams his door, shouting to me
So here I am in my house, drinking on my own settee
Everyone's a cunt in this life, no one's there for me

[Chorus]
No one gives a crap about Mike
That's why I'm acting nasty
You know what you can do with your life?
Introduce it up your jacksie
'Cause no one gives a crap about Mike
That's why I'm acting nasty
You know what you can do with your life
Introduce it up your jacksie

(*sound of a rewinding tape*)

[Verse 3]
If I want to sit in and drink Super Tennent's in the day, I will
No one's gonna fuckin' tell me jack
But can you rely on anyone in this world? No, you can't
It's all my fault there's wall-to-wall empty cans
I sat in the kitchen, all fucked off
Imagining over and over what they were all doing behind my back
Dodgy things going on, actions I regretted
Stain bottle with a pipe and tin foil on the mat
Scott texted me to say he'd have a look at the TV for me
And I felt like just telling him to fuck right off, chap
But what he said about wanting to do
The right thing by both mates
And then opting to stay out? It seemed to match
But I told him he could make it up by fixing the TV
He said that's the least he could do to square things flat
I thought that'd be that, but then the next bit was mad
This is where everything started to all turn back

[Chorus]
It's the end of something I did not want to end
Beginning of hard times to come
But something that was not meant to be is done
And this is the start of what was

[Verse 4]
He had to unscrew about fifteen screws
Before he could pull the panel off the back
To get in the fecking thing
But just as he did so, he said he saw summat
That slipped inside behind the panel down the back of it
Must have been some leaflets or a bill maybe
I didn't wanna lose the bill in case it was a final warning
So we both tried to get the back off and work out
If there were any more screws to get out or if we left any in
And when he looked down the back of the TV, his eyes just froze
Before he rammed his hand in, saying, "No shit!"
He's looking at me absolutely speechless
He can't quite believe what he's trying to pull out the slit
I get up, wondering what he's smiling about
He's shaking his head at this point with the biggest of grins
I look down the back of the TV and that's where it was
In all its glory: my thousand quid

[Chorus]
It's the end of something I did not want to end
Beginning of hard times to come
But something that was not meant to be is done
And this is the start of what was

[Verse 5]
About two this afternoon, the last of the people left my house
'Cause they never stop chatting 'til all the racket's gone
I really feel like things clicked into place at some point
Or maybe it's the fact that me and Alison really got on
Or maybe it's that I realised that it is true
No-one's really there fighting for you in the last garrison
No-one except yourself that is, no-one except you
You are the one who's got your back 'til the last deed's done
Scott can't have my back 'til the absolute end
'Cause he's got to look out for what over his horizon
He's gotta make sure he's not lonely, not broke
It's enough to worry about keeping his own head above
I shut the door behind me, huddled up in my coat
Condensation floating off my breath, squinted out the sun
My jeans felt a bit tight, I think I washed them too high
I was gonna be late, so I picked up my pace to run

[Chorus]
It's the end of something I did not want to end
Beginning of hard times to come
But something that was not meant to be is done
And this is the start of what was
It's the end of something I did not want to end
Beginning of hard times to come
But something that was not meant to be is done
And this is the start of what was
It's the end of something I did not want to end
Beginning of hard times to come
But something that was not meant to be is done
And this is the start of what was
It's the end of something I did not want to end
Beginning of hard times to come
But something that was not meant to be is done
And this is the start of what was