Act II

SCENE TWELVE
DONG WORK FOR YUDA

CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:
Hello there...this is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...
Joe was sent to a special prison where they keep all the
other criminals from the music business...you know...
the ones who get caught...it's a horrible place, painted
all green on the inside, where musicians and former executives
take turns snorting detergent and plooking each other...

(As the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER chuckles to himself for a moment,
FATHER RILEY, who became BUDDY JONES, steps into view in his
new identity: FATHER RILEY 8. JONES, Prison Chaplain, who, in a rather
heavy-handed piece of imagery, is now entrusted with the job of singing
this song as he assists the captured executives in their quest for new
meat to plook, and, once having found these victims for the princes of
the industry, trades them little blobs of sanctified lubricant jelly forcigarettes
and candy bars while he holds them down so the execs won't have to work
too hard when they stick it in.)
... Anyway, while he's in there he meets this guy who used to be
a promo man for a major record company, Bald-Headed John...
King of the Plookers...

FATHER RILEY B. JONES :
This is the story 'bout Bald-Headed John

FORMER EXECS:
Dong work for Yuda, Dong, Dong

FATHER RILEY B. JONES:
He talks a lot 'n it's usually wrong

FORMER EXECS:
Dong work for Yuda, Dong, Dong

FATHER RILEY B.JONES:
He said Dong was Wong,
'N Wong was Kong
'N Dong work for Yuda,
N John was wrong

FORMER EXECS:
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again
Dong work for Yuda
Dong, Dong
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again
He said Dong was Wong
And Wong was Kong
And Dong was Gong
'N John was wrong

FATHER RILEY B. JONES :
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
John's got a sausage that will make you fart
John's got a sausage that will break your heart
Make you fart
And break your heart
Don't bend over if you are smart
He took a little walk to the weenie stand
Johns got a sausage
Yeh man
A great big weenie in both his hands
John's got a sausage
Yeh man
He sucked on the end 'til the mustard squirt
He said. "Ya'll stand back 'cause you might get hurt'

FORMER EXECS:
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again
Johns got a sausage
Yeh man
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again
He said Dong was Wong
Wong was Kong
Kong was Gong
'N" John was wrong
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again

BALD-HEADED JOHN:
Make way for the iron shaschige

FORMER EXECS:
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again

BALD-HEADED JOHN:
I need a dozen towels so the boys can take a shower

FORMER EXECS:
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again

BALD-HEADED JOHN:
Bartender, bring me a colada and milk

FORMER EXECS:
Sorry John
Sorry better
Try it again

BALD-HEADED JOHN:
On second thought, make that a water . . .