(Parody of "Basket Case" by Green Day)

Do you have a cure?
To sooth me where I'm sore
I've got this real annoyin' thing on my butt
It feels like one of those
Inflammatory woes
My back side's pretty raw do doubt about it

Sometimes the tears roll down my cheeks
Because my rear is killin' me
It's always flarin' up
That's why I'm standin' up
'Cause I've got hemorrhoids I can't sit down

I wish they would shrink
This situation stinks
And Preparation H won't help them go down
I went to the store
Because it was so sore
I crawled across the floor to cool my *** down

Sometimes the tears roll down my cheeks
Because my rear is killin' me
It's always flarin' up
That's why I'm standin' up
'Cause I've got hemorrhoids I can't sit down