We fell in love down at the pier
You were sunbathing, I was around
Soon we were sharing a beer
We fell in love at the pier
I'm no sentimental slob so don't think I'm queer
You got something baby and it ain't just my beer
Well, maybe it's the hot pants, maybe the heat
Or was it the sneakers you kicked of your feet?

I sat under my umbrella to keep my pearly skin
You tanned your oily body looking like sin
Well, soon I was sweating and I wanted to leave
You slipped into the water from too much grease

Well, I saw you yelling. I just couldn't hear
So I screamed back at you "Honey keep the beer!"
We never consummated our outside love affair
Too much tar and water, too much hot air

Oh, what a tragic end to love that was lost
We would have stood a chance if we met in the frost, but
We fell in love down at pier
You were sunbathing, I was around
Now I go to beaches with my girlfriend
No more love splinters in my rear end