I wake up every morning, six o'clock, I'm right on time
I eat a low fat breakfast, I tie a perfect tie
I kiss the wife, I hug the kids, I pat the dogs and cats
I never lose anything, my car keys or my hat

'Cause I'm the man of the year
I'm the man of the year

I never cheat at finals or miss a day at school
My urine tests are perfect, my prostate is a jewel

'Cause I'm the man of the year
I'm the man of the year
'Cause I'm the man of the year
I'm never, ever jealous
Never, ever cruel
I'm a graduate of Harvard
Where I never broke the rules

The Queen made me a knight
The Pope made me a saint
The President plays golf with me
I make Madonna faint

So why am I so lonely
Depressed and in despair
If I pull this trigger in my mouth will anybody care

It was the greatest funeral
I laid in perfect state
And later I will meet the Lord
I bet he just can't wait

To meet the man of the year
I'm the man of the year
Stand in line to meet the man
I'm the man
I'm the man
I'm the man