Spent all last week sneaking around
Looking over my shoulder and peeking around the corners
Sick with worry that God would cut me down
With a grand piano falling like a cartoon from the Warners
Would you come to a Catholic mass?
Will you be my favorite mourner?

Mary, Mary Singletary
Father says I must confess
Say my fifteen Hail Marys
Dressed in my Sunday best

A funeral on Wednesday I served with Father Sullivan
He sat in the sacristy drinking watered down whisky
Told me "Before you know it, the curtain's gonna close up
They'll be putting you in a box, kid, and carrying you away"
Would you come to say farewell?
Would you dare to kneel and pray?

Mary, Mary Singletary
Father says I must confess
Say my fifteen Hail Marys
Dressed in my Sunday best

She says even though she's not perfect, she's loved
She is adamant that her faith is enough
I read way too far into all of this stuff
I keep confessing that I can't contain all this lust

Well, here I am in my bed and I can hear the church bells
I'm thinking about dying and I'm feeling unwell
TNT, dynamite, blow it all sky high, I might
Light an ACME match and shed my earthen vessel

Will you sing "Make Me a Channel"
Before they ship me straight down to Hell?

Mary, Mary Singletary
Father says I must confess
Say my fifteen Hail Marys
Dressed in my Sunday best

Mary Singletary
You make my heart content
I say my Hail Marys
Thinking of when we'll meet next

Singletary...
Whoa...