Did you learn your lines today?
Well, there is no rehearsal.
The tickets have all been sold
For tomorrow's matinee.

There's a telegram from the writer,
But there is no rehearsal.
The electrician has been told
To make the spotlights brighter.

There is one seat in the circle--
Five hundred million in the stalls.
Simply everyone will be there,
But the safety curtain falls
When the bomb that's in the dressing room
Blows the windows from their frames.
And the prompter in his corner is sorry that he came.

Did you learn your lines today?
Well there is no rehearsal.
The interval will last until
The ice-cream lady melts away.

The twelve piece orchestra are here,
But there is no rehearsal.
The first violinist's hands are chilled--
He's gone deaf in both ears.

Well, the scenery is colorful,
But the paint is so damn thin.
You see the wall behind is crumbling,
And the stage door is bricked in.
But the audience keep arriving
'til they're standing in the wings.
And we take the final curtain call,
And the ceiling crashes in.