{63572}{63648}It's so weird too.|If you elect celebrities
{63651}{63687}It's always not a great idea.
{63690}{63770}Because in California|we are a 60% hispanic state.
{63774}{63844}We elected|an Austrian Governor.
{63847}{63946}Even old nazis are going,|"that's weird. "
{64010}{64078}He has a hard time even|saying the name of the state.
{64081}{64151}Arnold, where are you|Governor? "Caforna. "
{64191}{64261}What?|"Cafornaa. "
{64264}{64372}And he's married|to a Kennedy, Maria Shriver,
{64375}{64472}Who has been getting thinner|and fucking thinner and smaller.
{64475}{64581}I believe he is sucking|the Kennedy out of her.
{64584}{64642}Shh.
{64696}{64812}Slowly but surely becoming|a Kennedy by assimilation.
{64816}{64905}Which is kind of cool. That's how you|get a liberal Republican, which is neat.
{64908}{64955}It's like a Volvo|with a gun rack.
{64958}{65014}You don't see|a lot of them.
{65017}{65132}And in terms|of energy policies...
{65135}{65219}21st century. Stem cell|research... 21st century.
{65222}{65299}Immigration...|Arnold's a little old school.
{65302}{65355}Arnold, how will you|handle immigration?
{65358}{65404}"I will build a wall. "
{65407}{65516}And even the Chinese go,|"that will not fucking work.
{65586}{65640}They will go around|around your wall.
{65643}{65703}And who will build the wall?
{65707}{65777}The people you are trying|to fucking keep out. "
{65823}{65918}So maybe you want to invent some|self-picking fruit real quickly.
{65922}{65972}Come with me right now.
{65975}{66039}And...
{66043}{66136}In California we barely|balanced the budget.
{66139}{66206}They were coming up with weird|alternatives to balance the budget
{66209}{66306}Like selling San Quentin as|real estate. What the fuck?
{66309}{66412}Is this like, are you going to|open some sort of severe spa?
{66415}{66484}These are the lovely|sodomy suites.
{66488}{66527}Come with me over here.
{66530}{66594}Don't sit in that|chair... Zzzp... Too late.
{66597}{66651}Thank you.
{66654}{66711}And they're gonna|close Guantanamo.
{66714}{66756}And I go, what are you|gonna open there?
{66759}{66822}Maybe an amusement park.|We'll call is Muślim Mountain.
{66825}{66915}It'll be cool.|What will the water ślide be?
{66919}{66980}We strap you to a board and|send you head first in to a pool.
{66983}{67032}Good luck.
{67035}{67118}And where are they gonna send|all those guys from Guantanamo?
{67121}{67214}People in Texas are going,|"we'll take "em. "
{67217}{67317}Zzzp... No, you can't... Zzzp... No!
{67320}{67402}And the whole budget crisis,
{67405}{67497}The whole manic recession, we've just|come through this manic recession.
{67500}{67562}Remember the banks saying,|"we're too big to fail"?
{67565}{67643}It's like saying too fat|to diet. What are you doing?
{67646}{67757}Remember they came to us going,|"we need $500 billion"?
{67760}{67833}We went, okay, here you go.|A week later...
{67836}{67898}"we need some more. "
{67901}{67979}You fuckers are economic|freebasing.
{67982}{68024}What are you doing?
{68027}{68102}They're like a group of junkies|who've relapsed and are going,
{68106}{68152}"och my man, listen.
{68155}{68253}I just need some liquidity,|you know what I'm saying?
{68257}{68358}I just ran into some bad|subprime, you know?
{68362}{68421}We had some complex|formulas.
{68423}{68495}We just didn't factor|in greed and panic.
{68498}{68552}Yeach.
{68555}{68665}I just need $805 billion|by Tuesday.
{68668}{68784}I would not fuck you again. "
{68787}{68870}My God, it was insane.|In the midst of all this,
{68873}{68910}There was Bernie Madoff.
{68913}{68997}An embezzler named|"made-off. "
{69061}{69123}Hmm. Yes.
{69197}{69269}Was the name not a clue?
{69273}{69343}Did he have to be with|the accounting firm
{69347}{69463}Of Dewy, Fuckyou & Howe?
{69466}{69528}And now Bernie's in prison
{69531}{69597}Where insider trading|is a whole other game.
{69641}{69703}The bull market is what your ass|will bear, motherfucker.
{69706}{69769}Let's do this.|Mm-hmm.
{69772}{69841}Payback's a bitch.|Yeach.
{69844}{69913}And then the automobile|companies needed help.
{69916}{69953}And I thought,|wait a minute.
{69956}{69990}Wouldn't it be cool|is the oil companies
{69993}{70042}Gave a little money to|the automobile companies?
{70045}{70098}I know it's like your dealer|paying for rehab,
{70101}{70155}But why not?|Give it a shot.
{70158}{70227}And now we're trying to get|off the petroleum titty.
{70230}{70289}It's like we're trying to kick|it. And how are we doing this?
{70292}{70343}We're looking for|alternative fuels.
{70346}{70441}Some of the alternative fuels|are a hydrogen powered car.
{70445}{70511}Cool idea. If you're thinking|of a hydrogen powered car,
{70515}{70596}I have one word for you...|Hindenburg. Good luck.
{70637}{70706}A more interesting gas|and a lot more fun is helium.
{70709}{70775}Number one with helium, you|could float over the potholes.
{70778}{70876}And if you get into an accident you get|out of the car with road rage going...
{70879}{70945}I'm gonna kick your ass.
{70948}{71033}What?|Oh my God.
{71036}{71122}I've got a fuel leak.|How weird is that?
{71125}{71200}I can't kick your ass.|I sound like a chipmunk.
{71203}{71244}This is nuts.
{71247}{71317}Look at all the clowns getting|out of the trunk of my car.
{71320}{71377}Fuck off.
{71381}{71425}And I've found another|alternative fuel.
{71428}{71486}And I found it by accident.
{71489}{71571}I was having my morning coffee, and I|have my morning coffee for two reasons.
{71574}{71664}One, to kick start my brain.|Number two, and more importantly,
{71668}{71735}To jumpstart my colon.|More importantly.
{71738}{71794}The moment I have my morning|coffee it's like,
{71797}{71879}Morning, everybody.|Fire in the hole!
{71883}{71970}Son, open|the bathroom door.
{71974}{72026}I don't care if|you're rubbing one out,
{72029}{72123}I've got to drop a resume.|Open the door.
{72126}{72213}And even the dog is going,|"he's leaking methane!"
{72275}{72352}There's a dead canary|in the corner like...
{72355}{72421}And I went, wait a minute.
{72424}{72487}I'm leaking methane.
{72490}{72545}I'm my own fuel source.
{72548}{72595}How about this|for a new car?
{72598}{72667}The new ford colon.|How about this?
{72670}{72736}Here's the ad:
{72740}{72814}Me shirt, no pants,|tube in my ass.
{72856}{72914}Hi, I'm Robin Williams.
{72917}{72977}I've just had|a black bean burrito.
{72980}{73111}That's right, I'm gonna drive|all the way from San Francisco
{73115}{73181}To Washington, D. C.
{73184}{73313}Yup, the shit's hit the fan|and it's powering my car.
{73358}{73448}Won't you join us?|Fuck green, go brown.
{73451}{73499}Come on.
{73502}{73575}Come with us now.
{73784}{73858}Another alternative fuel|is ethanol.
{73862}{73929}And people from the South are going,|"that's moonshine, motherfucker. "
{73932}{73978}Damn right.
{73982}{74029}And ethanol is pure|grain alcohol.
{74032}{74114}No better car in the world to|drive if you're an alcoholic.
{74117}{74211}If you get stopped by the police|you can get out of the car going,
{74214}{74284}"officer, I've had|a few cocktails.
{74288}{74386}My car, however,|is totally fucked up. "
{74439}{74489}Even the cheap gas|in the car is going,
{74492}{74545}"I don't know where|the fuck I am
{74548}{74653}A God damn tree just|jumped out at me. "