{53435}{53491}And if always,|if you want comedy
{53495}{53571}There is always Sarach Palin.|God bless.
{53575}{53653}She is wonderful.|Sarach...
{53656}{53773}Sarach is a self-opening|piñata. She is a gift.
{53776}{53864}How did they find her?|Was it "project running mate"?
{53867}{53930}Is that how they got her?
{53933}{54066}Did Ronald Reagan have a kid with|Vanna White and drop it off in Alaska?
{54114}{54194}And it was raised by wolves|and that's why she hunts them?
{54197}{54266}"you're not my dad.|You're not my dad. "
{54305}{54355}And she says amazing things
{54358}{54463}Like, "I know about Russia because|I can see it from my backyard. "
{54467}{54545}You have super vision,|number one.
{54548}{54626}I can see San Quentin|from my backyard
{54629}{54680}But that doesn't qualify me|on prison reform.
{54683}{54780}What the fuck?|And it's incredible too.
{54783}{54852}She said, "polar bears are not|endangered. They're just unlucky. "
{54855}{54906}Oh, really?
{54909}{55016}And who knew Katie Couric was|the cutting edge of journalism
{55019}{55118}With ambush questions like,|"what do you read?"
{55216}{55290}"well...
{55334}{55453}Well, that's|a trick question. "
{55479}{55580}Not if you read, no.
{55583}{55653}You know the basic difference|between her and Cheney?
{55656}{55705}She shoots you,|game over.
{55709}{55817}She will have you gutted and standing|on the wall next to Barbara Walters.
{55820}{55906}In the last few days|of the election
{55910}{55966}She got really sexy.|She let the hair down.
{55969}{56042}I thought the last day of the|election she was gonna pop the Prada
{56045}{56093}And be like...|"yeach!
{56096}{56198}How do you like my northern|slopes now, boys?
{56201}{56310}Drill, baby.|Drill, baby, drill. "
{56314}{56380}And do you think the whole time|she was running for office
{56384}{56422}Clinton was sitting|at home going,
{56425}{56482}"where was she when|I was in office?
{56485}{56542}Shit.
{56545}{56605}God damn.
{56735}{56803}She is hot.|Whoa.
{56807}{56911}That's a milf. That's a mother|I'd like to filibuster. Yeach. "
{56951}{57008}And Bill did some|good work recently.
{57012}{57070}He went to North Korea,|got the two girls home.
{57073}{57142}Way to go, Bill. Way to go.|Got them back. Way to go.
{57145}{57209}Good job.
{57212}{57297}But I wanted to be in the room|when Kim Jong il came in the room
{57300}{57419}And went,|"so, Bill Clinton.
{57422}{57532}You bring me the pictures|I asked you for?
{57643}{57722}I have on my big boy|glasses.
{57758}{57840}I want those pictures|and Clay Aiken. "
{57900}{57940}"why do you want|Clay Aiken?"
{57943}{58008}"you know why|I want Clay Aiken.
{58011}{58076}That's how I "roro. '
{58079}{58152}That's how I "rororo. '
{58155}{58225}That's what I like. "
{58229}{58306}And you think when Bill|got back from North Korea
{58309}{58379}And Hillary got back from|Africa, that was a rough dinner?
{58382}{58463}Hillary went, "Bill,|congratulations on North Korea. "
{58466}{58564}"we'll baby, it was a happy|ending. Shit, wrong words. "
{58567}{58634}"come again, Bill?"
{58637}{58692}"not this time, baby.|Not this time. "
{58695}{58759}And people|got mad at Hillary
{58762}{58815}That she didn't go|trailer park on Bill's ass
{58818}{58860}During the Monica|Lewinsky thing.
{58863}{58925}That she didn't start throwing|his shit on the white House lawn
{58928}{59017}Like, "Bill Clinton,|you lying sack of shit!
{59020}{59104}How could you find the only Jewish|girl who couldn't get a stain out?
{59107}{59192}You asshole!
{59195}{59238}Damn you!"
{59241}{59312}And he'd be on the lawn|like an episode of "Cops"
{59316}{59373}Going, "I love you, baby!
{59376}{59489}Depends on what your|definition of is is.
{59492}{59552}And when Hillary|ran for president
{59555}{59634}There were a lot of guys going, "I|don't know about a woman president. "
{59637}{59689}What are you worried about?|You worried every 28 days
{59692}{59769}She'll be going, "I can't|talk to Putin. Not today.
{59772}{59904}I'm just gonna balance my budget|and watch my stories. "
{59907}{60002}She's in her 60s. She has her|own global warming right now,
{60006}{60062}Number one.
{60065}{60134}She is one tough ass woman.
{60137}{60185}And you don't necessarily|want sexy.
{60188}{60271}I know when Sarach ran a lot of guys|are going, "she energizes my base. "
{60274}{60347}Yeach, all right.|But necessarily...
{60350}{60431}Sexy and world leaders,|not necessarily the case.
{60434}{60475}Especially with female|world leaders.
{60478}{60558}Throughout history... Elizabeth|I, Catherine the Great,
{60561}{60603}Golda Meir, Indira Gandhi...
{60606}{60649}These are women you may|not want to fuck,
{60652}{60715}But you definitely don't want|to fuck with them.
{60718}{60819}They are scary women.|Oh my God.
{60822}{60887}Whoo.
{60890}{60991}And if you don't think a woman|can handle a military situation,
{60994}{61061}Ask the argentineans.|They were going,
{61064}{61135}"Margaret Thatcher, that crazy|coño sank a battleship.
{61139}{61184}She is nuts. "
{61188}{61249}She was Julia Child|on steroids going,
{61252}{61355}"I will sink your shit|right now.
{61359}{61445}I will open a can of whupass|on you little brown men.
{61449}{61540}I will do it right now. "
{61543}{61671}And you have to look at the|English Royal Family and realize
{61674}{61763}All that money and no|dental plan. How sad.
{61818}{61883}So sad indeed.
{61886}{61974}But if you want|sex in politics
{61977}{62025}The French are always|there to top everyone.
{62028}{62098}The French have|a president, Sarkozy,
{62101}{62173}Whose wife fucked Mick Jagger.|Way to go.
{62176}{62281}The French look at the Americans|like, "top that, little puritans.
{62284}{62343}Take care. "
{62346}{62399}And I believe there's one man|we could run for office
{62402}{62453}That even the French|would go, "fuck off. "
{62456}{62556}That man is Jack Nicholson.|Yes!
{62586}{62653}Oh yeach, baby.
{62657}{62745}He's nuts. You'll never|have a sex scandal with Jack
{62748}{62835}Because he has|fucked everyone.
{62838}{62977}I had Angelina Jolie|and afterwards she adopted me.
{63026}{63093}What?
{63096}{63167}And he's done every known|drug known to mankind.
{63170}{63223}He'd be the only guy in the world|that Keith Richards would go,
{63226}{63308}"I have to go home now, Jack.
{63381}{63443}No, I really do.|It's fucking over. "
{63482}{63569}Where you running, you pussy?|Get back here.