Twilight, what have you done to my wife?
Refuses to sleep, reads her books all night
Twilight, what have you done to my wife?
Now all she wants is the vampire life

With the first release of the first book
She just had to peek and take a look
Edward was a man with a savvy hook
And my wife took the bait, now she never cooks
Watches the movie two times a day
She’s back in High School and wants to date
Buys every magazine that shows the face
Of that pale skinned Cullun that’s out of shape
Bella’s living every girl’s fantasy
Gets to ride piggyback straight up a tree
But it’s not for me and I don’t know why
She plays that soundtrack day and night
The kids are always asking “where’s mommy at?”
I tell them I don’t know, “when will she be back?”
Just when I thought it was about to end
New Moon comes out and it’s her new best friend

Twilight, what have you done to my wife?
Refuses to sleep, reads her books all night
Twilight, what have you done to my wife?
Now all she wants is the vampire life

The premier of New Moon was a night on fire
Ladies night out and full of desire
Couldn’t get enough of those werewolf abs
Came home and got mad that I don’t look like that
We try to make love but all she’s thinking about
are vampires and werewolves dishing it out
So I go to bite her neck and she screams out loud,
“I want to live forever, convert me now”
I said look girl watch that mouth
I don’t know what you’re talking about
Your head’s mislead and it’s stuck in the clouds
You’re crazier than crazy and it’s freaking me out
So calm down, I know I should
But the juicy love is just so good
You’ve got to find your head and put an end
To this nonsense mess because it’s just pretend

Twilight, what have you done to my wife?
Refuses to sleep, reads her books all night
Twilight, what have you done to my wife?
Now all she wants is the vampire life
Twilight, what have you done to my wife?
She’s got the hots for teenage boys and thinks it’s alright
Twilight, you caught us all by surprise
My wife is a zombie that you’ve hypnotized

Every time she sees Edward she says “oh yeah”
Every time she sees Jacob she says “oh yeah”
Every time she sees Bella she says “I wish I were her”
Every time she says me she says “oh my gosh”

Twilight, what have you done to my wife?
Refuses to sleep, reads her books all night
Twilight, what have you done to my wife?
Now all she wants is the vampire life
Twilight, what have you done to my wife?
She’s got the hots for teenage boys and thinks it’s alright
Twilight, you caught us all by surprise
My wife is a zombie that you’ve hypnotized