(Ron & Russel Mael)
I've got a snapshot of your Aunt Maureen
She's 90 and you're a teen
I'm trying to cheer you up
Don't be so mean, don't be so mean

Crach, bam, now you're looking good
Tip Top, now you're feeling good
Once more, here's your Aunt Maureen
Don't you feel good, don't you feel good

Chorus:
Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens, the kind
you don't see in magazines
Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens, the kind
you don't see on T.V. screens
Tips For Teens, Tips For Teens
Wake up to music
And say you're too sick to go to work

Soon, you will lose all your zits
Tight sweaters no longer fit
Jetsetters will make their pitch
I told you so, I told you so

Chorus

Don't eat that ice cream
It is vanilla
Give it to me

Don't eat that pastry
What's in the middle
Give it to me

Don't eat that burger
Has it got mayonnaise
Give it to me

Keep that mystique up
And wear a "D" cup
No matter what

Don't eat no curry
Before a very
Important date

Do I look so knowing and old and wise
Maby it's those Dacron ties
How come you keep asking me
For Tips For Teens, for Tips For Teens

Crach, bam, now you're looking good
Tip Top, now you're feeling good
Once more, here's your Aunt Maureen
Don't you feel good, don't you feel good

Chorus