Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps
Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants
I'm here before you to stand behind you
To tell you something I know nothing about

Next Thursday, which is Good Friday
There's a women's meeting for men only
Free admission, pay at the door
Pull up a chair and sit on the floor, yeah

It's a long crawl back to the garden
So get me off my hands and knees
'Cause the church keeps spittin' me out
Now we all know where they're comin' from
We just don't know where they're goin'

I am a Christian, I am Buddha
Hari Krishna, I am a Jew
I am Satan, have Zen within me
I have Jesus, I am human

We got the same guy every time
In a brand new clever disguise
So before you go and make up your mind
If Christ came knocking on your door
Dressed up like the devil, would ya let him in?

Would ya let him in?
Would ya let him in?
Would ya let him in? Yeah

(Ooh, ooh)
(Ooh, ooh)
(Ooh, ooh)
(Ooh, ooh)

I hope this ain't the wrong direction
'Cause it all feels exactly the same
And it's gonna get me where I'm going
So enjoy the ride and don't get hooked
They're all the same temptations

I am a Christian, I am Buddha
I'm Hari Krishna, I am a Jew
I am Satan, have Zen within me
I have Jesus, I am human

I am a Hindu, I am Sheikh
I am a Muslim, I'm an Atheist
I have Satan, I am a Christian
I am Buddha, I am human, human
I am human

(Ooh, ooh)
(Ooh, ooh)
(Ooh, ooh)
(Ooh, ooh)

I am human, human, human, human

"Say man, can I get ya somethin'?"
"Yeah, man you doin' alright?"
"Yeah right here man, help me out."
"You know, there's a lot of people who's talkin' 'bout a lot of things they don't know what they're talkin' 'bout."
"Yeah, I hear ya."
"I mean, it'll be alright.
Don't worry 'bout it."