(Parody of M.T.A. by The Kingston Trio)

Well let me tell you all the story
Of a team called the Mariners
On a tragic and fateful day
They put some pine tar in their luggage
Kissed their wives and families
And they went on the road to play

Well did they ever return
No they never returned
And their fate is still unlearned
What a pity
On the road forever
From LA to Boston
It's the team that never returns

Well the Tigers said you guys
Come on down to Cheney Stadium
And get out on the grass and play
Before they got there
The commission told 'em
Jose Canseco wouldn't go back to Triple-A
So did they ever return
No they never returned
And their hometown fans got burned
What a pity
It's the team that never gets their last at-bats in
It's the M's that never returns

Johnson's wife goes down to the Sea-Tac Airport
Every Sunday at quarter-past four
At the gate to the jet way
She hands Randy a sandwich
As the stewardess is shutting the door
But does he ever return
No he never returns
Cuz the Kingdome still needs work
Poor King County
On the road forever
From LA to Boston
It's the M's who never return

Hey Pa
What is it boy?
Did you really see a game played in the Kingdome?
Yep, back in Nineteen Hundred and Ninety Four, that was when they made bats made from real trees.

So now the M's are doin'
Lots of frequent flyin'this season
Hopin' they'll soon be home
But they might as well be waiting
For Hell to be freezin'
Cuz King County will never fix that dome

And will they ever return
No they'll never return
And they'll play
Where they get booed
Except for Griffey
On the road forever
From L.A. to Boston
They're the team who never returns
The team that never returns
The team that never returns