Why don't you, sit right back
And I, I may tell you a tale
A tale of three little pigs
And a Big Bad Wolfff

Well the first little piggy, he was kinda hick
He spent most of his days, just-a dreamin of the city
And then one day, he bought a guitar
Moved to Hollywood, to become a star
Living on the farm, he knew nothing of the city
Built his house out of straw, what a pity
Then one day, he was jammin' on some chords
Along came the wolf, just a-knocking on his door

Little Pig, Little Pig, let me in
Not by the hair of my chinny, chin, chin!!
Little Pig, Little Pig, let me in
Not by the hair of my chinny, chin, chin!!
And I'm huffin, I'm puffin, I'll blow your house in
Huffin, puffin, blow your house in
Huffin, puffin, blow your house in
Huffin and a-puffin and I'll blow your housе in!!!

So, the second little piggy, hе was kinda stokin'
Spent most of his days just-a ganja smokin'
Hoppin' and a-boppin' down on Venice Beach
Gettin' paid money for religious speech
He built his shelter from garbage he picked
Mostly made up of old cans and sticks
And then one day he was crankin' out Bob Marley
Along came the wolf on his big, bad Harley

Little Pig, Little Pig, let me in
Not by the hair of my chinny, chin, chin!!
Little Pig, Little Pig, let me in
Not by the hair of my chinny, chin, chin!!
And I'm huffin, I'm puffin, I'll blow your house in
Huffin, puffin, blow your house in
Huffin, puffin, blow your house in
Huffin and a-puffin and I'll blow your house in!!!

Now, the third little piggy was a grade A student
His daddy was a rock star named Pig Nugent
Earned his Masters Degree from Harvard College
He built his house from his architect knowledge
A tri-level mansion in the Hollywood Hills
Daddy's rock stardom paid for the bills
And then one day came the old house smasher
The Big Bad Wolf, the little piggy slasher

Little Pig, Little Pig, let me in
Not by the hair of my chinny, chin, chin!!
Little Pig, Little Pig, let me in
Not by the hair of my chinny, chin, chin!!
And I'm huffin, I'm puffin, I'll blow your house in
Huffin, puffin, blow your house in
Huffin, puffin, blow your house in
Huffin and a-puffin and I'll blow your house in!!!

Well the big bad Wolf
Well he huffed and he puffed all that he could
And low and behold the little piggy's house stood
"IT'S MADE OUT OF CONCRETE!" the little piggy shouted
The wolf just frowned as he pouted
So they called nine-eleven like any piggy would
The sent out Rambo as fast as they could

[Rambo]
"YO, WOLF-FACE, I'M YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE, YOUR ASS IS MINE!!!"

(gunshots)

Well the wolf fell dead as you can plainly see
That's to end the story for you and me
If you still give a listen you just may
Hear the Big Wolf and Little Piggy say

Little Pig, Little Pig, let me in
Not by the hair of my chinny, chin, chin!!
Little Pig, Little Pig, let me in
Not by the hair of my chinny, chin, chin!!
And I'm huffin, I'm puffin, I'll blow your house in
Huffin, puffin, blow your house in
Huffin, puffin, blow your house in
Huffin, puffin, blow your house in
Huffin and a-puffin and I'll blow your house in
Huffin and a-puffin and I'll blow your house in
Huffin and a-puffin and I'll blow your house in
Huffin and a-puffin and I'll blow your house in

"And the moral of the story is, 30 years later, I can still entertain idiots with a stupid punk rock puppet show. Fuck you!"

[Wink Martindale]
"Wink Martindale, thanks for the call...Um..I've had a loooong and lengthy career making the right moves... For this one...ehhh, not too sure.. Having to sign on to this...This proves that my career has hit a new low... But hey, good luck with the album."

*BEEP*