This is a public warning
Be careful when you're out
We're having freaky weather
There's a lot of it about
On the terraces it's swinging
He's a monkey on the roof
You've seen him on the telly
So let me introduce
(Your host tonight)

T.O.P.M.A.N.
He's naughty by nature
T.O.P.M.A.N.
On doubles and chaser
T.O.P.M.A.N.
He a little boy racer
T.O.P.M.A.N.
Shooting guns on the high street of love

In a crowd it's hard to spot him
But anonymity can cost
It's never cheap or cheerful
He's Hugo and he's Boss
He's riding through the desert
On a Camel Light
On a magic carpet
He'll fly away tonight
(Open sesame)

T.O.P.M.A.N.
Sees her in double
T.O.P.M.A.N.
Pukes on the pavement
T.O.P.M.A.N.
He likes her all clean and shaven
T.O.P.M.A.N.
Shooting guns on the high street of love