golden TOM PETTY 1976-1982 (pagal Mark Prindle)

Palm Sweaty And The Fartbreakers?special introductory paragraph!Tom Petty And The HeartbreakersYou're Gonna Get ItDamn The TorpedoesHard PromisesLong After DarkSouthern AccentsPack Up The Plantation: Live!"Let Me Up (I've Had Enough)"Full Moon FeverInto The Great Wide OpenGreatest HitsPlaybackWildflowersSongs And Music From The Motion Picture She's The OneEchoThe Last DJHighway CompanionMudcrutchMudcrutch: Extended Play Live EPThe Live Anthology (Deluxe Edition)Mojo

The inheritor of the rock and roll dream! When he and his band of Heartbreakers (not Johnny Thunders' Heartbreakers) ripped out of Gator Swamp country Florida (or California, or wherever the hell they lived when they hit it big), Tom Petty was bringing rock and roll back to what it had been in the mid-sixties - straight-ahead driving goodtime catchy music without hippy artistic aspirations. Pretty much The Ramones without the metallic influence and punk attitude, you ask? Yeah! But Petty wasn't out to smash your nose in; he was more of a straight up nice hook-writing chorus-singing rock and roll guitarist guy. But his songs were good! Very good! And stripped down! And better than The Eagles! And that's why you still hear them all the darn time on classic rock radio. As for where he went, well... He sorta got overpowered by acousticy folk rock near the end of the eighties, but that's okay. He's getting older and he knows it. Regardless, even today, twenty years after his rockin' debut, he still writes enough catchy and memorable tunes for each album (with the obvious nod to his influences - Dylan, Byrds, etc, every now and yesterday) to make you nod your head and go, "Alright, Tom! Yeah!" Possibly even "Whoo!"

Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers - Shelter 1976.

Don't have a clue what to say about these first five albums; they're all pretty much interchangable, as far as I'm concerned. Really good, though! Simple lil' three-minute guitar-driven rock and roll tunes - some better than others, but hey when you're just playing good ol' no-frills "rock'n'roll," that's to be expected. Not much of an "image" really, although the pictures on the back certainly present Stan Lynch as a hot sex-hungry loverman, and Ron Blair as an addled heroin addict. Just more like, you know, not glam or nothin' - just rock and roll! Write your melodies, play your 4/4 beats and get on with your life! Tom has kind of a nasally voice (my girlfriend says he sounds constipated), but you might grow to like it. I have! He can hit notes; I guess that's the important thing. I really would say that this album fits in somewhere BETWEEN the new wave/punk scene of '76 and the overblown arena rock sound of the same era. By no means were the Heartbreakers punk rockers, but they certainly had the same memories of mid-'60s rock and roll that the best punk bands had. No ten-minute drum solos or guitar pyrotechnics on here. Just straight up good time yeah. The hits were "Breakdown" and "American Girl," but there are plenty of other great tracks on here too. If you're still into vinyl car seats, look in dollar bins and eventually you'll find this record like I did.

You're Gonna Get It - Shelter 1978.

Aaaaaah, the Heartbreakers. You go ahead and rave about the New York Dolls if you want, but Too Much Too Soon had NOTHIN' on these tunes. So Mike Campbell wasn't a cross-dressing heroin addict (as far as I know) - so what? Oh, sorry! Mike is the Heartbreakers' guitarist. Which reminds me - why were there two different bands called the Heartbreakers? Somebody explain.

But about the record. More of the same. If you love catchy guitar pop rock with a slight American twang to it, You Gotta Get It! Their melodies don't always rule, I'll give you that. But only a couple of tracks on each of these early records could really be called "filler." You know, sometimes the riffs are a little duff or whatever. Or they try to be heavier or moodier than they really should. But for the most part, what you get on these records is track after tune of radio-ready r'n'r fun. The sort of stuff Mark E. Smith would claim to despise and then try to imitate anyway. Tom sings about romance gone bad, romance gone good and rock and roll gone rockin'! And... not much else. But those Heartbreakers. They work together. Nice electric guitar-driven rock and roll sound. Again, no frills. No Van Halen. Just pop tunes. The hits were "Listen To Her Heart" and (supposedly) "I Need To Know," but you know there's plenty more where those came from.

Damn The Torpedoes - Backstreet/MCA 1979.

This is probably the best loved Heartbreakers album, but I don't really see what makes it any better than the others. More hits, maybe, but then the other ones really deserved to have more hits, if you query me on the matter! I guess MCA might have let Tom pump a little more cash into the recording sessions (the mix is a lot fuller than on the first two albums), and he's certainly trying some new approaches to the rock and roll thing, adding in more dynamics and whatnot, but the songwriting genius had already been there, so what the hell? Just like the others, this one's got a bunch of great tunes and a few weak ones. Fine! The hits were "Refugee" (first Petty song I ever heard! I was five.), "Here Comes My Girl," "Even The Losers" and "Don't Do Me Like That." A couple of countrified numbers sorta make my eye twitch, since it's not really Tom's cup of tea and his voice sounds totally hicky against that sort of backdrop, but whatever. Still a really cool album. How's about that understated piano accompaniment? Never overwhelming, but always there, adding just a touch of melodic class to the guitar crankin'. That's Benmont Tench for you, I tell you what!

Hard Promises - Backstreet/MCA 1981.

Maybe I'm not raving enough. Yes, these first five albums are pretty similar to each other, but they're also EXTREMELY consistent. Consider where we are in the history of rock and roll music. By 1981, rock and roll was like 25 years old or something - it had gone through so many darn changes that it would just seem as if normal basic 4/4 bar rock should have already died. I mean, with punk and art rock and Springsteen's overblown rebel rock, what place did Hard Day's Night-type mid-'60s rock have in our jaded society? And more importantly, how the hell did Tom and Mike come up with so many great three-chord melodies? Seriously now - five albums worth of competent catchy singalongable basic everyday rock and roll. With creative riffs! How? Foreigner couldn't do it. REO Speedwagon couldn't do it. The Ramones did it, but they were too loud and fast for the mainstream's supple earsacs. So why the Heartbreakers? Because Tom is a talented guy who loves melodic rock and roll and has dedicated his life to bringing more of it into the world for us to enjoy - that's why, goddammit. And if you don't like Tom, fine. I wasn't exactly thrilled with that whole "Peace In L.A." PR shit either. Still, open your hearts to the vibes, man!

Hard Promises is more of the great same. A little of this, a little of that, with a couple of fantastic radio smashes in "The Waiting" (featured in that Simpsons episode about Homer buying a gun) and "A Woman In Love," which is subtitled "(It's Not Me)" for no reason that I can understand on my own without the help of a special smart person who understands such things. Ah, what am I whining about? What was the point of putting "(With You)" in parentheses in "Rockin' Around (With You)"? I just don't understand big rock stars anymore, the pretentious groupie users. Sorry I can't say anything else about this album, but like I said, these first five albums all sound pretty similar to my ears (well, the first two aren't mixed quite as strongly, but that's about it). So take 'em home and dig 'em all!

Long After Dark - Backstreet/MCA 1982.

More of the same, which is a good thing, because after this one, it would (sigh) never be the same again. A mid to uptempo 4/4 beat, rockin' guitar line with some notes and chords, a singalongable chorus - this is American rock music at its simplest and finest. And yeah, Tom branched out a couple of times per album with a slower keyboardish piece or a faster punkish number or a ballad or something, but, for these first five albums at least, you could always count on the boys to concentrate mainly on what they knew best. Which is my lengthy way of saying that if you think "You Got Lucky" is an ugly unlikeable hit single, don't worry about it, because nothing else on here sounds like that one. The other hit was "Change Of Heart," which is frigging catchy as hell, so keep that in the back of your car.

I'm just gonna examine Tom's lyrics for a second here, since I really haven't addressed them at all thus far. Let's see. Girls, freedom, romance gone bad, more freedom, more romance gone bad, loneliness, optimism in a bad relationship, uncertainty, girls in trouble - man, this is just rock and roll! It's not poetry, and does not need to be examined. Let's move on.

Southern Accents - MCA 1985.

Now this is why I was saying that the predictability of the first five albums was a GOOD thing. With Southern Accents, it sounds as if Tom is trying to position himself as a serious musician and artist, replacing instantly enjoyable pop riffing with overbearing Mellencampish statements of Southern identity, experiments with funk and adult contemporary pap, and all kindsa instruments that don't really have any place on a Petty record (trumpets, saxophones, dobro and crap like that). Okay, maybe he just got bored with what he was doing. No biggy. He still manages some pretty great songs - especially the sole hit "Don't Come Around Here No More," a creepy sitar-driven trudger that ends with Alice as a cake that the guys are cutting up and eating. Ah, you know what I'm talkin' about, homes. This is the Empty Vee Degeneration!

So, in short, the experimentation for the most part doesn't work, since Tom is not, nor will he ever be, as truly self-centered as John Mellencamp, Don Henley or any of the other "serious" musicians that he's trying to emulate on this album. But there are still some good songs. "Dogs On The Run" even SOUNDS like a Tom Petty song! Shoulda been a hit.

Pack Up The Plantation: Live! - MCA 1985.

Of all possible times for the Heartbreakers to record a live album, why did it have to be on the crappin' Southern Accents tour? It's not a bad live album, sure, but it would be so much better if we didn't have to sit through shit like "It Ain't Nothin' To Me," "Southern Accents" and "Rebels." There are also way too many friggin' cover tunes on here; I'm all for "So You Want To Be A Rock & Roll Star," since Tom sounds a heck of a lot like Roger McGuinn anyway, but why "Needles And Pins"? Nobody will ever do that song as well as the Searchers did, so let's all quit frigging trying, okay???? Likewise, it's neat to be reminded of that great Animals song "Don't Bring Me Down," but is there any reason at ALL for this band to be covering a John Sebastian song? Or performing a NINE-AND-A-HALF minute version of "Shout"???? Of course there isn't! Maybe Tom just wanted to give the fans a little something extra for their money than rehashes of old band classics. Whatever. I prefer the classics. They sound great on here! "I Need To Know," "Breakdown," "The Waiting" - that's the kinda stuff I wanna hear at a Petty concert, dammit! So at least it's a double-album, and the good tunes are on here too, right? Right.

"Let Me Up (I've Had Enough)" - MCA 1987.

Definitely the most lost-sounding album of Tom's career thus far. It sounds like the band has no idea what they want to be! "Jammin' Me" starts the album on an extremely strong note, whipping them back to the great electric guitar romp that was really their forte before Tom got all artsy with Southern Crapcents. But the rest of the album is a jumbled mess of greatness, weakness and out-and-out weirdness. There's happytime cowpunk, slow shitty balladry, major-league ripoffs of early Dylan and Exile-era Stones, a couple of hilariously dated excursions into overproduced mid-80s keyboard swill, underwritten countryish crap, great old-fashioned rock and roll - jesus! And it's all like just split up and spread out over this 40-minute visit through the confused and directionless mind of Mr. Tom Petty. Don't get me wrong - it's got some great songs and it's definitely more fun than Southern Accents, because it doesn't really try hard to make any statement at all, other than maybe "We don't know what we're trying to do here." But it's still hard to get too excited about a release as uneven as this one. It's definitely a fun mess, though; I'll give 'em credit for that! A seven it is!

I appear to have used the phrase "out-and-out" a couple of minutes ago. I realize that there are no words I can say that would sufficiently make up for having done that, but let me apologize anyway.

Sorry.

Full Moon Fever - MCA 1989.

I'm probably way off on this, so don't write this down as fact and go rave to your little asshole friends about it or anything, but it kinda seems like Tom was having a little identity crisis with Let Me Up, and this solo effort was an attempt to figure out what he really wanted to be. Answer? A folky. A pop-oriented folky for sure, and one who occasionally liked to kick out the jams with a tough rocker, but with age comes desire for change, and for Tom, that change came with a new appreciation for the heavenly janglestrum of a clean acousticy guitar. Probably had a lot to do with that Travelling Wilburies side project. Whatever the reason, the important thing here is that with his revelation came a creative splurge of great song ideas, giving us what may very well be the most enjoyable record of his career. Well, the choruses sorta weaken right near the end, but hell.... How can you put down an album that has "Free Fallin'," "I Won't Back Down" and "Runnin' Down A Dream" on it? The pop sense is in full swing, and the side two folkfest is a fun one indeed, examining such everyday concerns as punk rock kids and suicidal tendencies (whose first album totally kicks ass!). Ahh, the hell with it. Sit back and love it like me if you want, or go about your business bitching about this or that. I don't give a shit. I debated giving this record a nine, but backed off only because of a few weak choruses on side two. Most of it rules. An 8.49 for sure.

Into The Great Wide Open - MCA 1991.

This was Tom's return to the Heartbreakers, but - thanks mainly to the presence of Jeff Lynne - it certainly isn't a return to the Heartbreaker sound of old. Though not as folksy as Full Moon Fever, it's far more polished and slick than any previous Heartbreakers production. Tom's voice remains louder and cleaner than it used to be as well. Still, his melodic streak continues winningly! Aside from a few sluggish bores ("All Or Nothin'," "Built To Last" and the hit title track with its stolen Paul Westerberg lyric -- all three of which were inexplicably chosen for the Playback box set), this album is as warm, happy and comforting as a wool-knitted summer's day. "Learning To Fly" certainly does sound like a Tracy Chapman ripoff, but isn't it a lovely song? And hooks galore - both musical and vocal - will have your brain singing along with such winning non-hits as "Kings Highway" ('We'll ride away today! Good fortune comes our way!'), "Two Gunslingers" ('I'm takin' con-troooool of my life!'), the gently sad "All The Wrong Reasons" and the riff-tastic slop-rocker "Makin' Some Noise." Heck, I've even grown to love the uptempo fuzz-rocker "Out In The Cold," one of Tom Petty's least favorite Tom Petty songs ever!

The weakest tracks are pretty unpleasant, but they're also the vast minority on an otherwise bright and musical pop-rock release.

* Greatest Hits - MCA 1992. *

Either buy them all or buy this one, because there are just way too many great hits for you not to own as many of them as possible. This comp includes sixteen cool classics, plus a decent new depression anthem called "Mary Jane's Last Dance" and a fairly pointless new cover tune. Sole gripes - and you knew I had to gripe, so don't act surprised - where the fork are "Woman In Love," "Change Of Heart" and "Jammin' Me"? You telling me those weren't hits? Okay, "Jammin' Me" hasn't gone down in history as a classic, but it's still a great rock song and without it, this comp features not a thing from "Let Me Up (I've Had Enough)", which hardly seems right. And "Woman In Love" and "Change Of Heart" get played on the radio every ten minutes! Why in God's name would they not be on this compilation? Weird. Anyway, this is still a great little collection that pretty much every rock fan should own, unless you really hate Tom's voice or something.

Playback - MCA 1995.

Excellent box set! Six discs, so it's really long. First three discs are mostly album tracks, but you have all your hits (plus some really crappy album tracks where good ones would have fit -- why the hell is that funk song from Southern Accents on here????). Then there's a disc of b-sides. And then, hooee!!! Two discs of EXCELLENT and never before heard goodies. This guy may have a predictable style, but that doesn't make it any less enjoyable. The guitar interplay is really nice too. Chiming, easy and lovely. Buy it for the Tom Petty lover in your life!

And then give him a rim job!

And then enjoy some snowballing together!

Wildflowers - MCA 1994.

Strange how a "solo" album can sound so much like Great Wide Open, but there you go. A pretty lengthy record (over an hour!), this one suffers not from weak material, but from an overreliance on musical influences. Yes, I love these tunes, but it's simply impossible for me to sit through the entire CD without thinking to myself, "Hey! 'Wildflowers' and 'Don't Fade On Me' are complete Dylan ripoffs! Hey! 'Only A Broken Heart' is a Beatles ripoff! Hey! 'Wake Up Time' is a Don Henley ripoff!" and on and on and on. I love listening to it, though - and it's Tom Petty's favorite album of his career (as of 2007). The hits ("You Don't Know How It Feels," "You Wreck Me," "It's Good To Be King" and "A Higher Place") are phenomenal, and a few of the other slow sloppies and bluesy ballbusters are pretty cool too, but what's with the ripoffs? Did Tom not realize he was doing it? I guess that's a possibility. I sure notice, though, and it bugs the lightningbug out of me. Heck. Buy it anyway! It's still a damn good time for children of all ages. Tom's been doing this for two decades now, and we should respect him as a talented elder who's given classic rock radio a lot of catchy tunes to fill up the spaces between Zeppelin rock blocks and Allman Brothers twofers. Am I right?

Nah.

Well, wait a minute! Yeah! So I'll give it an 8, even though I kinda think it's derivative!

Songs And Music From The Motion Picture She's The One - Warner Bros. 1996.

Fun record! I guess the movie didn't turn out to be an instant classic like Picture Perfect, but this music ain't no bad at all! Very slow and draggy like a good deal of the last record, but mesmerizing in its sluggishness anyway. And there's a couple of cool cover tunes (Beck and Lucinda Williams) to let you know Tom's still hip to what the kids dig. And there are two versions of that catchy "Walls" single, along with the also catchy non-hit ballad "Angel Dream." I guess I should probably see the movie so I could understand why it would inspire Mr. Petty to center an entire album around it, but who the heck wants to look at Edward Burns any longer than necessary? Couple of speedy bluesys, lots of slowys, very relaxedy and nicey. I give it an seventy.

Holy shit! A SEVENTY??? This album is SEVEN TIMES better than any other album I've ever heard!!!!!

Echo - Warner Bros. 1999.

NOTE: I ORIGINALLY GAVE THIS ALBUM A 6 UPON ITS RELEASE, BUT NOW I HAVE RAISED IT TO A 7. I THINK THE REASON I DISLIKED IT SO MUCH AT FIRST IS BECAUSE MOST OF THE SONGS ARE SLOW AND DREARY. THIS WAS APPARENTLY BECAUSE TOM WAS GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE AT THE TIME. LISTENING TO IT TODAY, I FIND IT QUITE POIGNANT. NOT HIS GREATEST RECORD, BUT MUCH BETTER THAN I'D ORIGINALLY THOUGHT. HERE'S MY ORIGINAL '6' REVIEW:

MAN, is this a disappointing record. Tom has nothing new to say. NOTHING. I mean, the dude has always been slightly derivative of other bands, but never has he so blatantly repeated himself. Perhaps that's the reasoning behind calling the album Echo. It sounds as if he listened to his last few records and was determined to repeat them for us. Folks who've never heard a Petty album before are likely to enjoy it just fine. After all, these songs are by no means bad. It's just that he's already played us all these songs before! The ballads, the rockers - we've heard it all before. Come on, Tom, you're so much smarter than this. Try a little harder next time.

By no means should anybody count him out because of this record. He's had slightly dry patches before (though never quite THIS dry). Still, as he himself says in the catchiest song on this record, "I've been down but it won't last long." His next album will probably be awesome. He's a good guy and a great songwriter (generally).

The Last DJ - Warner Bros. 2002.

Yes! Raymond "Tom" Petti-bone returns from the doldrums of that Echo stinker with a great bunch of songs about the corruption of the music business, women, nostalgia and young people in pain. WIth MUSIC THAT HE HASN'T USED BEFORE! See, what killed Echo for me was that the title was so appropriate. It was just a weaker, more sluggish and less melodic approach to Tom "Norman" Petty's American jangle a(n)esthetic. The Last DJ, on the other gland, is a sprightly sprucebag of clever, memorable hooks all bouncing and being pretty and melancholic and bitter and everything and whatnot, with McCartney-style piano prettiness balancing on a seesaw directly opposite acoustic rhythm and electric lead guitars all standing together so you can hardly even tell one from the other. And the drummer is the middle of the seesaw, which makes the side with the piano and the side with the guitars go up and down and up and down and up and down, but not in terms of volume as they generally stay at the same volume, but analogies were never my strong suit.

Now I've got on my knighting armor -- THAT's my "strong suit"! HAHHAHAHHHAAHAHHAHHAHA!

"Prindle does it again. The 'strong suit' gag is a classic of modern satire." - Newsweek

Great production on this one. Everything sounds loud, strong and clear without being sickeningly squeaky clean like the ones that Jeff Lynne of Electric Light Orchestra fame produced (Into The Great Wide Open and The One That Has Free Fallin' On It). And it's delightfully impossible to pigeonhole the album as fitting a particular "style" or "sound" from beginning to end, veering as it does between uptempo Petty guitar janglers, gorgeous piano ballads, ugly oddball electric blues rockers, the jaunty music hall jaunt (music hall) jauntiness (Mmm, you sick? Hall's?) of "The Man Who Loves (jaunty) Women" and the COMPLETELY NOT AT ALL LIKE TOM PETTY eerie melancholia and bizarre dynamics of the amazing CD closer "Can't Stop The Sun" (which, if I were that Flaming Lips guy, I would sue him for crudely combining the titles of my two songs "Can't Stop The Spring" and "The Sun," possibly the most blatant creative ripoff since The Chiffons viciously tore George Harrison's "My Sweet Lord" from the womb of his Hare Krsna mind/spirit and cynically converted it into "He's So Fine (And By 'He,' I Mean Jesus Christ)."

And Howe about those lyrics, Steve? How about you, Rick? Are you aWake, Man? Oh no! You look "Rabin" (ravin') mad, Trevor!

It's said that only the wisest among us will take the time to truly make Yes jokes. Which reminds me -- I was reading the Bible the other night because I worship the Christian Dark Overlord and I think it's neat that there's a book named after me (you'll find The Book of Prindle lodged tightly between the Books of Nathaniel and Dangly-Penis Jenkins) and I couldn't help but notice that (A) Jesus hates Jews and (B) the old adage that the Old Testament God is wrathful and the New Testament God is forgiving is a bunch of BULLSHIT! He's a wrathful old prick from beginning to end! Read the Book of Mark and let's discuss.

Lyrically, Tom has some really funny lines about how greed has destroyed music -- check out these verses and see if you smile and perhaps chuckle as much as this author did when first exposed:

(from the point of view of a disillusioned concert attendee): "We arrived there early/in time to see rehearsal/And Johnny came out and lip-synched/his new Light Beer commercial." HA!

(from the point of view of a record company CEO): "So burnt-out Johnny thinks our books are shifty/What good's that alky to me when he's fifty?/We could move catalog if he'd only die quicker/Send my regards to the gig and a case of good liquor." HA!!!!!! DO YOU SEE WHY I'M WRITING DOWN LAUGHTER???? TOM'S A REGULAR CODEMIAN!

I say it's the comeback album of the year and I don't even care that "Joe" and "When A Kid Goes Bad" make the idea of dunking my ears in a bucket of vomit seem appealing. Thanks, Tom, for all those great hits you've given us over the years! Especially "We Need Peace In L.A."! You did that one for the KIDS!

Highway Companion - American 2006

That low-rent son of a bitch Petty Petty Petty is back with more jingle-jangle morning melodies to cockle your balls and warm your (h)ear(t). First and foremost, the rustic old gent is finally showing his age visual-wise, his face having rounded significantly as well as developing laugh lines aplenty and eyebags galore over the past few years. It's a strange thing -- I'm just so used to him looking exactly the same year after year after year (except for that thankfully short 'gross beard' period) that looking at his current photos is kind of depressing. "We all age," they seem to be saying. "Even the once-thought-eternal Tom Petty must eventually watch his youth disappear in the long highway road behind him." I love you, Tom Putter. Don't die of sadness or rage.

Pirahna bite? Okay, I guess that would be alright. No sadness though. And don't even get me STARTED about rage!!!!

On the topic of rage, check out how badly I lost my temper yesterday. A while back, I bought Women In Fury from some guy on ebay who apparently sends out movies even before receiving payment. So a couple weeks ago, I got this email from him saying, "Have you paid for the movie yet? I don't accept credit cards," so I checked my PayPal files, saw that I had paid him with PayPal funds on July 17th (my 33rd birthday - thanks for the present, ASSHOLE), and politely responded to inform him of his error. Thinking everything was taken care of, imagine my disappointment upon receiving an email from him last night saying, "I still have not received your payment for the movie. I do not accept credit cards." A mature person would have assumed, "Say, maybe he missed my last email. I'll resend him the info about my PayPal payment." But me? NOPE!!!!

For some reason, I found this note unbelievably ignorant, offensive and irritating. Thus, my response (which I felt like a real dick about within 30 seconds of hitting 'send'):

"Look, WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS ALREADY. I DIDN'T PAY WITH A GODDAMNED CREDIT CARD. I PAID WITH PAYPAL FUNDS ON JULY 17TH, AND THE PAYMENT WENT THROUGH AND WAS ACCEPTED AND CONFIRMED. CHECK YOUR FUCKING ACCOUNT, ASSHOLE!"

Sigh. Way to spread peace and tolerance worldround, Mark. And nothing says 'suave gentleman' like caps lock.

Tom Petty's nice because you kinda always know what you're getting. Sure, he gives you the ol' switcheroo every once in a while (Southern Accents is slightly redneckier, Full Moon Fever slightly folksier, Echo slightly sluggisher), but for the most part you know that when Tom goes into the studio, his goal is to come up with a bunch of warm 'familiar yet new' guitar hooks in the neglected genre of "melodic American rock" (with the occasional detour into pop balladry, country-folk, electric blues and/or hard rock). Thankfully, his formula again works just fine on Highway Companion, his third 'solo' album recorded without the Heartbreakers (except for Mike Campbell, who plays lead guitar on every single track).

The lyrics don't say much of anything. Supposedly they're based on a metaphor of 'driving' as 'aging,' but they're still too general and bland to have much effect. There are some terrific melodies and arrangements to be found though, from the crunchy opening rocker (a simplified "La Grange"/"On The Road Again") through the muted yet determined "Jack," simmering "Turn This Car Around," exhausted '70s smoky bar "This Old Town," speed-folk harmony singalong "Big Weekend," and minor-key organ-blotched "The Golden Rose." Those were terrific little descriptions, and will greatly enhance your enjoyment of the tracks when you listen to them. For example, "Big Weekend" will come on and you'll go, "What the hell is this? I can't make heads or tails of it!" But then you'll read my review and go, "Oh! It's a speed-folk harmony singalong!" In this way, music criticism has proven a valid artistic pursuit for both man and beast.

Unfortunately, if your CD only has 12 songs on them, you can't make 2 of them uneventful ballads and 2 others gross countryish Bob Dylan ripoffs. If you do that, your CD only earns a grade of .666 (Satan The Devil), unless the reviewer politely raises it to an undeserved 7, in which case it's considered impolite to not offer him a nude woman in a barrel of cocaine.

Look, I didn't write these rules of etiquette. As far as I'm concerned, you can eat your steak with a salad fork - I don't give a shit! Unfortunately it's not my decision.

Though featuring as many acoustic guitars as electric, this is by no means a folky Full Fmoon Fever affair. Nor is it all slicked up and glossed over like that disc, even though The Electric Light Orchestra's Jeff Lynne yet again handled the production doodies. One last piece of insight on this perfectly decent release from Florida's Tom Petty: the last album had a song called "Joe," this one has a song called "Jack," and the next one will have a song called "Talcum." In this way, Tom will have paid the ultimate tribute to the tragic Dead Milkmen bassist who took his own life a few years ago.

And yes, he would have gotten the name wrong, but it's a little late now to rewrite "Joe" as "Dave."

"My name's Dave, I'm the CEO... IN THE GRAVE!!!"

Ha ha HA!!!! HEEEEEEE!!!!!

Ah me. It kicks ass to make fun of your friends after they kill themselves.

Mudcrutch - Reprise 2008

HI IM ALLCAPS MCGEE AND IM HERE TODAY TO SHOUT AT YOU ABOUT THE NEW TOM PETTY CD. ITS ACTUALLY NOT JUST BY TOM PETTY AND NOT EVEN BY TOM PETTY AND THE HEARTBREAKERS EITHER BUT IT HAS TOM PETTY AND TWO OF THE HEARTBREAKERS ON IT SO I THINK IT SHOULD GO HERE MUDCRUTCH WAS ORIGINALLY TOM PETTYS FIRST BAND BEFORE HE FORMED TOM PETTY AND THE HEARTBREAKERS AND FOR SOME REASON HE GOT A FEATHER UP HIS ASS TO DO A REUNION ALBUM EVEN THOUGH HED ALREADY BEEN PLAYING IN TOM PETTY AND THE HEARTBREAKERS WITH TWO OF THE BAND MEMBERS (MIKE CAMPBELL AND BENMONT TENCH) FOR LIKE SIXTY YEARS ALREADY. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THAT TOM PETTY PLAYS BASS ON THIS INSTEAD OF GUITAR AND THE GUITAR IS PLAYED BY TOM LEADON WHOSE BROTHER BERNIE LEADON WAS IN THE EAGLES AND RANDALL MARSH PLAYS DRUMS AND THERES A HEAVY FOCUS ON COUNTRY MUSIC. SO IT SOUNDS A LOT DIFFERENT AND EVERYTHINGS DIFFERENT.

hello, i'm lowercase mcpoet and i hope to impart upon you a brief collage of images and words that express and convey the sensual delights and chastisements of mudcrutch, the band and the cd.

petty of song, but not in mind wonderchild returns to wombas non-eagular leadon rips redneck riffs"only 8 write shall i," cries celebrated breaker of heartsthe tench reply: "please partake of my goodtime boogie rockerlike southern joe jackson: harmless....bouncy"leadon interjects: "let us perform this shitty country-rock song i doth penneth"world notes ease of believing (a) leadon's brother was an eagle(b) bernie got all talent in familyremaining tra(c)ks are fewtraditional folk songs twobyrds 'lover of the bayou'and 'six days on the road' - ooooo

Hay ya'all this here's The Artist Formerly Known As Prince! YEEEEEEE-HOOOOOOO!!!!! Now U dang know how much I loves watchN Smokey N The Bandit with my chaw cup N hand, but evN I gots 2 say that there's way 2 much country-western bullshit on this Tom Petty album. Tom is a pop/rock melodic craftmastR - what the mothRfuckN cocksuckR is he doing writing cliche'd throwaway hoedown vomit like "OrphN Of The Storm," "The Wrong Thing 2 Do" and "House Of Stone"? Ain't it enough that dang ol Tom Leadon's shitty originL N all 4 covRs R firmly Ntrenched N the country-folk, country-western N country-rock traditions? That's 8 of the goddang 14 songs right there! It's not like Petty 4got his strengths; "Scare EZ" is a very strong and emotional first singL, "O Maria" a lovely gentle ballad, "Topanga Cowgirl" a deliciously bouncy piano pop-rockR; "Bootleg FlyR" a hooky uptempo rocker, N evN "CrystL RivR" would B a longing melancholy classic if it weren't dragged out 4 nine N a half shitball minutes of shit. R U telling me, The Artist Formerly Known As Prince, that the mere presence of Tom Leadon was enough 2 turn Tom Petty N The Heartbreakers in2 a big dung-stepN cow-fuckN barn-sleepN pig-sloppN bunch of illiterate hicks? Because if so, I'll stick with my Bad CompNE records, thanks!

Hi, I'm Scarlett Johansson. (*farts*) It's always a sad time when our favorite artists put out a weak record. (*pulls panties aside; moves bowel onto floor*) But don't lose heart; Mudcrutch is most likely just a nostalgic one-shot project for this legendary rock'n'roller, and he'll likely be back in action soon, writing more of those great songs we all grew up with. (*sniffs bowel movement; eats it*)

(*vomits it back up; eats it again*)

Mudcrutch: Extended Play Live EP - Reprise 2008

Henry The Dog had a funny interaction with a homeless man yesterday. Here's how it went down:

Homeless Man: "Mutter...sdjd..s..sa..DOG!" Henry: (*turns around curiously*)Homeless Man: "(Something unintelligible)"Henry: (*pulls on leash to approach*)Homeless Man: "WHO LET THA DOGS OUT?"Henry: "WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!"Homeless Man: "I knew you knew it!"

Good old Henry The Dog and his lack of pretense.

Last night I couldn't get to sleep (Insomniac by Gayle Greene) and my stupid thoughts were racing loud and proud. Here are just three of many genius brainstorms that festered in the tar pit of my skull until the blowtorch of the morning sun scorched them away into ashes:

1. "One thing I'll never understand is people mourning over their deceased loved ones. Why, just last week one of my socks got a hole in it and you don't see ME belly-achin' about it!"

2. Man A: "I'd love to take this road trip, but I'm worried about the logistics." Man B: "Don't worry about the logistics. Humans have an amazing capacity for handling logistics. For example, this one time I handled some logistics."Man A: "Wow, that was a great story!"Man B: "Thanks, I bought it off the Internet."

3. It seems like every four seconds somebody asks me what my favorite McDonald's dish is. Well, I'm a fan of most McDonald's cuisine, but it got me to thinking -- "What if McDonald's was actually McDOGald's? And all the food was geared towards dogs?" I think the menu would look something like this....

Filet-O-Something-We-Found-On-The-Ground

Human Shit McNuggets

Quarter Pounder With A Foul-Smelling Patch Of Grass To Roll Around In

Hotcakes And Vomit

Another Dog's Butt McMuffin

And voila! That's the kind of class act you get when Mark Prindle can't get to sleep at night (Amnesiac by Radi O'Head).

As for Mudcrutch's Extended Play Live EP, who would use a crutch made out of mud? Come on, you'd fall all over the place.

But also it features live versions of three Mudcrutch tracks and a Jerry Lee Lewis cover. "The Wrong Thing To Do" remains a substandard one-note tuff rocker, "Bootleg Flyer" has not changed its stance as a fun uptempo jangly rocker, "Crystal River" is not backing down from its position as a gentle and pretty song that wears out its welcome through (formerly ten but now) fifteen repetitive minutes, and "High School Confidential" makes its entree as a generic piece of early 12-bar rock and roll.

Look, I'm a Tom Petty fan from Jim to Pepsi but this EP adds nothing to my life. I could be outside playing hula hoops with the other kids in the neighborhood, but no I'm stuck in here listening to this EP 400 times in a row because that's my rule -- I have to hear a record 400 times in a row before I review it. Oh sure, sometimes it sounds like I just shoved an album up my ass and gave it a 6 for not hurting too bad, but art can be deceiving that way. My art of the written word, that is. I am an artist and your brain is my canvas.

And unfortunately for you, this jar of battery acid is my paint.

The Live Anthology (Deluxe Edition) - Reprise 2009

One thing that's always confused me about American politics is when people say "So-and-so is the greatest live album ever!" Because what do they mean? Obviously it's just their opinion, but that's not my point. Unlike studio albums, which can all be compared apples to apples according to one's musical tastes, there are several distinct types of live albums -- and one's favorite (i.e. "the greatest ever") depends not only on one's musical tastes, but also on what exactly one expects from the live album experience.

Here are some examples:

1. Great songs that remain faithful to the studio versions (Ramones' It's Alive!, Yes' Yessongs) 2. Radically reworked versions of classic hits (Dylan's Live At Budokan, Rolling Stones' Get Your Ya-Ya's Out!)3. Lots of solos and jams (The Who's Live At Leeds, Yes' 9012Live - The Solos)4. Fun and rare cover tunes (The Replacements' When The Shit Hits The Fans, Zip Code Rapists' Here At Last...Live!)5. Great selection of hits and album tracks representing every era of a large discography (REM's Live At The Olympia In Dublin, Aerosmith's Rockin' The Joint)6. A classic album performed in its entirety (Jethro Tull's Aqualung Live, Killing Joke's The Gathering)7. A side of the band that isn't heard on their studio records (The Doors' Absolutely Live, Nirvana's Unplugged In New York)8. Band originals unavailable on studio albums (Flipper's Public Flipper Ltd., Mission Of Burma's The Horrible Truth About Burma)9. Humor (The Parasites' It's Alive!, Tom Waits' Glitter And Doom)10. Studio albums recorded live (Husker Du's Land Speed Record, Ted Nugent's Intensities In Ten Cities)11. Extremely early performances by bands in their infancy (Devo's Live: The Mongoloid Years, The Fall's Live '77)12. Experimentation (Melvins' Colossus Of Destiny, Neil Young's Arc)

And that's just one example! So you see my confusion with people and their stupid assholes.

Tom Petty's six-CD Live Anthology (Deluxe Edition) is predominantly a combination of types 1, 4 and 5, but he also throws in a bit of #2, a tinkle of #3, a couple of #8's and one brief disc of #11. Btw, the four-disc Regular Edition also earns an 8/10, so don't feel obligated to pay $4,000,0000,000,0,000 for two extra discs, one of which is just the four-song 1976 Official Live 'Leg EP. Actually, the Deluxe Edition also includes two DVDs, but they were unavailable for illegal download and thus will not be reviewed here.

But lest you think it's a big greatest hits extravaganza, let me add that only about 15 or 20 of these 65 songs ever got substantial radio play. The rest are "deep album cuts," as we used to say back in the early '70s before I was born.

Because Tom Petty is a leading African-American, covered artists include Wilson Pickett, Bo Diddley (twice!), Ray Charles, Willie Dixon, Shirley Bassey, James Brown and Chuck Berry. However, because he has extremely light-colored skin (ex. Michael Jackson), covered artists include Thunderclap Newman, The Zombies, The Grateful Dead, Van Morrison, The Dave Clark Five, Fleetwood Mac, J.J. Cale, Conway Twitty, Paul Butterfield Blues Band and The Byrds. Finally, because he's Chinese, covered artists include Booker T. And The MG's. And I'd like to state for the record that "I'm In Love," "Good, Good Lovin'," "I'd Like To Love You Baby," "Born In Chicago" and "County Farm" are godawful songs that should be against the law for people to cover. Sure, I've never heard the originals but hell if Tom "Shred Central" Petty can't make them sound good, they must smell like so much burning fecal matter in the ear category. With extra SHIT on top!

Notable departures from original studio versions include:

- "Breakdown" is now seven minutes long and includes a verse of "Hit The Road Jack" - "Refugee" has been extended for your listening pleather- "Wildflowers" is much prettier without that slick studio overproduction- "A Woman In Love" is weakened by Mike Campbell's refusal to play the soaring guitar lick during each chorus. Why, Mike? Why????- "It's Good To Be King" is now 13 extremely dull minutes long, complete with drab guitar solo and bland keyboard solo- "Mary Jane's Last Dance" drags on forever. SHADDAP!- "American Girl" begins with a slow sleazy blues guitar intro- "I Won't Back Down" is performed without drums (the drummer couldn't stand Petty's obstinance)

Incidentally, why on Earth did the fun'n'speedy original "Drivin' Down To Georgia" remain unreleased for so long? It's a hoot! And speedy? Oh! The speedy. The other rare originals are no shate grakes though: "Lost Without You" is slow and ehh, "Dog On The Run" a superlong dick-around drag.

In conclusion, the last main division of a discourse, usually containing a summing up of the points and a statement of opinion or decisions reached.

Mojo - Reprise 2010

There are some people that you can look at and just know that they've got those way low down dirty boogie woogie blues. BB King, The California Raisins, Jim Belushi -- the list goes on, but one thing is for certain: they all wear sunglasses. And that's how I knew from the moment I first saw Tom Petty's "Don't Come Around Here No More" video 25 years ago that he had those way low down dirty boogie woogie blues. Then again, Bob Dylan was singing "Just Like Tom Petty's Thumb Blues" all the way back in the '60s, about the time Tom got his thumb stuck in a Mr. Pibb bottle. But did you take note of Tom Petty's way low down dirty boogie woogie blues when they were still at an early enough stage to respond positively to treatment? Of course not, because you never look at the facts. And that's the difference between you and the dinosaurs. The dinosaurs said to themselves, "Since our biggest enemies are the fish, let's kill ourselves, let our remains be compacted into the Earth for thousands of years, and then all bust loose from a British Petroleum offshore platform and murder them." Say what you will about the dinosaurs, but their Mama didn't raise no dodos.

:7D

:7(

This album is Tom Petty's attempt to play electric blues-rock of the sort stolen from black people by the Yardbirds, Cream, Rolling Stones, Animals, Led Zeppelin and Fabulous Thunderbirds. In other words, it's an excuse for the band to not bother writing any new riffs or vocal melodies. They throw in a few ballads and jazzy minor-key things for breathing space, but more than half of the 15 songs are plain old 12-bar fuckleberries of various design. Such design includes:

- Fast Bouncy Boogie-Woogie Blooze: "Jefferson Jericho Blues," "Running Man's Bible," "Candy" - Slow Bland Electric Blooze: ""Takin' My Time," "Lover's Touch" - Acoustic Delta Blooze: "U.S. 41"- Booker T. & the MG's-style Soul-Blues: "Let Yourself Go"- Heavy Zep Blooze Rock: "I Should Have Known It," complete with breaks stolen from "When The Levee Breaks" and "Heartbreaker." Did they realize they were stealing breaks from two songs with 'break' in the title? This world will never know. - Not Blooze, But It Sounds Like The Eagles So BLERAEAGH!: "No Reason To Cry"

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