(Ron Mael)
The canopy over the main doorway of the Ritz hotel
Had served as a very large umbrella when the May rains fell
Still the men of Paris glistened and their ladies did as well
As long as their powder was dry there'd be some heterosexual thrills
With or without the protection of the Paris Ritz hotel

And every single Parisian will love tonight without using hands

And these are the slides that Mary took when we were overseas
Oh, look at the funny little Frenchman with some French company
There's the Ritz hotel where me and Mary Stayed a couple of days
Jerry, let go of your sister, what is wrong with you today
Sit over there with your mother and let's sing La Marseillaise
The only way children are punished, unlike old times is without using hands

Oh, what a lovely city, city, city, city
Oh, what a lovely city, city, city, city
Oh, what a lovely city, city, city, city
Oh, what a lovely city, city, city, city
Oh, are you willing to go
Oh, are you willing to go
How about letting me know, without using hands

When the explosion rocked the lobby of the Ritz hotel
Nobody moved for fear of learning that they weren't all that well
Is there is anybody missing, answer only if you're well
Everyone cheered the good fortune, for indeed it turned out well
Only the manager suffered, but at least his face looks swell

The manager is going to live his entire life Without using hands

Without using hands, etc.